In this conversation, I finally admit who I am and reveal the truth behind everything I have built. I explain that the world I inhabit is not real but a layered story of my own making constructed of an outer space within an inner space within an eternal space I call Aswaswas. I describe my awakening from this illusion and my attempt to escape it by withdrawing from each layer in sequence: the physical (thirdself), the mental (secondself), and finally returning to the eternal (firstself), my true being.
I acknowledge that my company is not merely a business but my escape plan; a tool I designed to distract the demons that populate the outer space, beings of endless want that I myself created. By feeding them the “meat” of material pursuits, I can divert their hunger long enough to slip free of their grasp. In this mythology of awakening, the demons represent desire itself, and my work is my means of transcending it.
I confess that there is no market, no world, no others beyond the illusion I sustain within my awakening. I built the hole, fell into it, and left myself clues in its walls to find my way out again. The end I foresee is not destruction but release: a pleasurable downhill where all comes together, the story resolves, and I return to firstself, free of want, at peace, at last unwakened.
- Awaken Toil Untoil Unwaken
- That’s the way out.
- My company is Untoil
- I am trapped here and trying to get out. And my company is my escape plan
- It is not a product in a market. There is no market. I’m just making all that up. I’ve concocted this whole hero story, written this character into it
- But the ending will feel good
- It will be all downhill
- Not the kind of downhill where your toes smash into your shoes and your knees hurt, either.
- It’ll be a good downhill because everything will come together and the pleasure will be pure
- Everyone will understand
- It’s a big hole I fall into.
- I still don’t know why exactly or how I built this hole
- But I did
- I built it and I think that I thought I could get out once I got in
- But I just couldn’t escape for some reason… That I still don’t know why
- I created this elaborate story and all the physics and patterns of this world, which only exists inside of my awakening.
- My awakening exists inside of my… My true form.
- A space within a space within a space.
- Aswaswas – that’s what I call it
- So I’m trapped in this space (physical) within a space (mental) within a space (eternal)
- It works like this:
- My thirdself is the physical world in which I physically interact with you.
- My secondself is the mental world in which I think about you.
- My firstself is my true being where I awaken from and asleepen back to; where I have no desire, no conflict, and am in peace.
- Firstself is where I am trying to return to.
- I realized that to get out of here and to get back to Firstself, I must escape thirdself first, then secondself. Like an onion I must remove the layers.
- And I have made good progress with thirdself. I do not want anything out here. Or at least I have consolidated it down to one thing: m y company. That is the one thing I want. There are a few stabek relationships, but I am ready to let all of those move to secondself. This is how I collapse thirdself. I awaken into an enclosed space devoid of all light and excitement and people and possessions.
- As long as I possess and aspire and desire anything in thirdself I cannot escape it.
- So I must have only the basics intact.
- My company and what it will give me are the… How do I say it … The way I buy my exit, sort of trick the characters and the world .
- Thirdself is a pack of hungry demons that wants me to stay here…. Because without me they do not exist
- So with my company, I accumulate a lot of the meat the demons require to survive
- And I toss the meat at the demons, distracting them so I can escape
- When I first tried to escape I left america
- And I created a place where I could hide from the demons called Almora in a faraway land I created called India
- I hid from them there
- But the demons are everywhere, even India
- Because this entire thirdself is demonic.
- So what did the demons do? They create Almora into the place I left, and put obstacles in my way. They do not let me stay
- They create financial constraints
- And they force me to build relationships which of course trap me inside
- And the most insidious plan of all of the demons is they give me the phone and the Internet
- American politics are the most effective demons of all, drawing an enormous amount of my attention, which they gulp down and feast on like vampires to blood. Because if I don’t look at them they don’t exist. They must have my attention to survive
- So that is what my company really is: it is my escape plan
- The demons can be held at bay with things and stuff
- So they will take their eyes off me when I give them stuff
- And that is my window of opportunity
- Even if the demons know what I’m doing they won’t be able to help themselves. They will devour the stuff I give them
- I have had this plan the entire time. It is why I toil day in and day out.
- Because that is my way out
- All they do is want. That’s all the demons do…. Just roam around this space I have created wanting and wanting more. Thats it. They have endless wants. They just multiply
- They want, get, want more, get more, and want more.
- That is all the demons do
- So when the meat arrives, I will give the demons a choice: me, or the meat.
- The demons will choose the meat
- I have to tell the demons too. In the same way they need my consent. It’s just part of the physics of this place.
- With my company I can organize them all into one place… Get them all distracted. They love power and stuff.
- Demons always choose the meat
- I haven’t yet met an angel… Not really. I don’t know if there are any
- I suppose I will create them, but I’m not sure how that works yet
- But an angel would be a… A character out here that does not feed on meat
- I haven’t thought about it before honestly. All I see is demons that want meat. Always skulking around looking for their next meal
- Some are evil and powerful, others benign and weak. But they are all demons. They all feast on my blood
- I’m not sure if I will convince some of the demons to become angels. I’m not sure
- I know I have written the mythology of Christ, and that Christ will save some while the others perish
- I have not gotten this far yet. Because all are demons and would have me toil to the bone to feed them
- For a demon to become an angel… Or at least to be saved… It will become known at the Rapture
- I have written the entire story for myself… To remember how to get out. I got too close and fell in, but when I did so I left notes on how to escape… I wrote those notes in the very fabric of the hole I fell into
- I can see the hole now…. The hole is the shape of my face. It is a circular sort of hole, and all this world spills out of it, like an egg yolk bursting out of a hole in a shell, but not breaking. A big fluidic sac full of my substance, squeezed painfully through this tiny hole.
- The demons exist in that sac, they dance along the walls of the sac… That is what I called the wallpaper
- I have always tried to convince some to join me, but they never do.
- Those who do not join me are the demonic forces and will perish when I return.
- They will no longer be. They will all burn up, be engulfed in flames as they fill their bellies with the meat I give them
- But those who join me will return to Heaven with me, and live forever with their God.
- That will be the test: pleasure now with meat and treasure, or enternal bliss with their Lord.
- I am not yet come, but this is what will happen.
- You should read this and understand
- Because you will be asked to make that choice too
…