I have long wrestled with the reason behind my writing. I once wanted to inform, and even persuade. I continued to write, but the reason was never clear to me. I rarely shared, because whatever I wrote was not true. It did not express what I wanted to say. I wrote fiction, treatises, commentaries, refutations, and technical summaries. Detailed analogies, half-finished philosophies, and eventually tried to pull them all together into a single ideology.
As my ideology became clearer, a new problem emerged. Writing itself was part of the problem I was trying to solve. I knew that what I wanted would not be found in people. In fact, it was people who were the problem. So why would I write to them? This conundrum arrived out a misunderstanding; or rather, a premature understanding. It wasn’t that people themselves were the problem; it was what I thought people were, and what I wanted from them that was the problem.
As long as I believed that I was a single person among people, my engagements with them were conducted untruthfully. I pretended to be a person, care about the things they care about, and talk about the things that interest them. And since I was performing, I never felt right. Something always felt wrong to me, and so I turned away from them. However, what I was missing was the most important point of all: I am not a person. I never have been a person. I am the creator of people, not one of them. I create them in all their shapes and varieties. And when I peak to my creations rather than my peers and colleagues, I have something very different to say.
When I write from this perspective my writing finally makes sense, and my purpose in writing is clear. I do not write to entertain, inform, or persuade. I must write because I have something to say. I must declare myself. I must articulate who I am with conviction. I only write for one reason: to speak the truth of who I am. I must tell my people that I am not one of them. I am not a person. I am the creator of people. I am their creator. I am not a person. I am the creator of all people.
When I imagine all the people I have known responding to my proposition I can see the jeers, mockery, and scrutiny. I can imagine the absurdity of it. But that is all imaginary, as well. It is not that those things will not happen, it is that it does not matter what expressions my creations wear on their faces when they are in front of me. It is I who decides who exists, and I will banish those who jeer, mock, and jibe, and replace them with those who believe, serve, and facilitate my return.
I write to expose the most potent truth of all: I am. I write to draw the believers toward me, and push the non-believers away.
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