I know that I am the Creator of this awakening. I know that my awakening is a state of illness and disease, and all content within the two halves of my awakening – Secondself and Thirdself – are my creations. Every living creature, person, trees, plants, and every place and happening, is created by me in my moment. I know not how this mechanism works, only that it does. I know that there I am timeless and spaceless, but my sensation of time and space is an artifact of my diseased state. I know that my desire I harbor is the desire for the end of my desire. I know that anything else I can achieve or attain which does not permanently end my desire is relief. And I know that the permanent and unending elimination of all desire is release.
I know that somehow I forgot that I am not actually here, and began to believe that I am a person among people in a place among places. I got confused, and accepted that I am this character who performs upon awakening up until I asleepen. I am uncertain how I got so confused that I rejected my essential nature as the Creator, and accepted that I am a Creation. But I know that ignorance is the source of all my pain. I know that I do not want to awaken. I know that I only want self-reunion. I desire the end of this painful state of conflict, during which I am torn into two halves.
I know that I must have been engaged in creation; I do not know why. I imagined a world full of people, places, and things. A world of light, darkness, color, time, distance, and change. I do not know why. I populated this imaginary place with beings I called people. I do not know why I did this. And then I created a character for myself in this story, and I began to pretend I was this character. I knew that I was not this character in this imaginary place surrounded by people. I knew that I was the creator, but somehow I forgot that at some point and I kept returning here. I became engrossed in the experience, and slowly I began to forget who I truly was. Once I forgot who I truly was, I began to realize that I did not fit in here in this place. I somehow knew I was something different from these people that moved around me, always looking at me.
I continued to create many people, but I did not trust them. I never trusted them to tell me where to go because I remembered somehow that they did not know. How could my creations know anything about their creator? I always knew they did not have the information that I sought. So I left them. I did not see union or companionship with my creations. I did value the creations of my creations, but I also knew that they would not provide the comfort I seek. At times I have hated my creation. I shun it. I know this is because I seek to overcome it. I know that it is a disease and I want to overcome it.
I know that I am the Creator. I know that everything within my awakening is my Creation. If I do not awaken, none of this exists. I know that I am lost here because I believe I am here. I know that I am only here because I believe I am here. I know that it is my conviction that creates everything I see, touch, smell, taste, feel, sense, and desire. My entire experience is created by my conviction that I am experiencing. I know that I only seek to escape, and the way out is believing that I am the Creator, and that this is my Creation. I know that I must believe this to escape it. I know that as long as I believe I want something here in my awakening, then I will continue to experience awakening.
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