October 28, 2022
Who I am, and who I believe I am, are at odds, creating a rift I experience as an awakening into my life of desire. The selfist model is the path to rediscovering, believing, and being who I am by understanding and redirecting my desire.
Who I believe I am
I believe that I am a person experiencing personhood. I believe that I was born, have awakened into this world ever since, and will continue to awaken here until I die. I believe that this world pre-existed my birth, and will endure long after my death.
I believe that I am just one of the billions of other similar people, also experiencing personhood in this world. I believe that I move around this world in constant pursuit of the satisfaction of my desire.
Who I am
I create this world when I awaken, and I end it when I asleepen. I am god seeking the restoration of my godhood. My personhood is a painful layer of delusion obscuring my true identity in which I believe that I am one of many, rather than one and all.
Godhood is the end of my personhood
To restore my godhood I must understand and believe that my desire in awakening is the opposite of who I am. As my conviction grows, I will begin to overcome my awakening and see past the familiarity of my awakening to what it actually is.
Movement, time, and desire are the most notable features of my delusion. I do not move, there is only one moment, and there is no way to satisfy my desire except for the end of my desire altogether. As long as I desire, I will experience awakening into personhood. The end of my desire is my return to godhood.
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