November 24, 2021
I exist in three shapes. I am my first shape when I asleepen. My first shape contains my second and third shapes, which form when I awaken. I experience my existence as a constant oscillation between these two states: my asleepening state of my first shape, and my awakening state of my second and third shapes.
I experience my awakening into my second and third shapes as various degrees of inner and outer pain, from boredom and subtle discomfort, to unease, disease, acute agony and terror. This pain compels an endless hunt for relief, which manifests as needs and desires.
I experience these as a “distance” between who/where/what I am and have, and who/where/what I am and want. This distance between what I am and have demands relief, and it is my pursuit of this relief that fuels all of my inner and outer movement. This movement introduces the sensations of “change” and “time”.
Keeping in mind that my first shape never changes or moves. It is timeless, changeless, desire- and body-free. The “distance” between my fixed first shape and my dynamic second and third shapes is a quantification and qualification of my condition. I have become trapped in this cycle, and forget that this is a condition I do not want, and instead embrace or endure it in a never-ending hunt for relief from the pain that is caused by my very awakening.
Movement, distance, change, and time are all inter-related aspects of the same distortion. They are solidified together through familiarity and conviction. I take them all for granted, encourage the movement, then experience greater and greater distances, change, and time. Dimensionalism is the mechanism; I invent the distances between extents. I value one extent over another and then desire and move toward it. When I cannot move in the direction I desire, I experience acute pain.
Movement, distance, change, time, desire, conviction, and pain. All of these are fundamental aspects of the life condition.
Primitives:
- Pain – Starts the moment my second and third shapes begin to form (i.e., awakening)
- Desire – The core experience of longing and yearning that underpins my experience of my second and third shapes
- Peace – The permanent solution to desire which contracts my second and third shapes, returning me to my first shape (i.e., asleepening)
- Relief – The transitory solution to desire which keeps me expanding my second and third shapes
- Distance – A difference I conceive and perceive between the
- Movement – The inner and outer experience of exerting effort to achieve a thing
- Change – The sensation of inner and outer movement
- Time – A sensation of inner and outer movement
- Conviction – The belief in a particular reality framework; the diminishment of my first shape in favor of my second and third shapes
…