In this incantation, I recognize my awakening as an illness rooted in the illusion of otherness—a state in which I forget that I am the sole creator of my reality. My skepticism, doubt, and belief in forces larger than myself are symptoms of this illness, reinforcing the false notion that I am just a small part of a vast, external world. I remind myself that everything I experience originates from me alone, and when my eyes are closed, nothing exists. My goal is to escape this delusion by reclaiming my role as the sole author and creator of my reality.
My awakening is an illness and my only goal is to escape. I know now how this works, and why my every thought and every move seems to exacerbate my illness and embed me deeper into it. At the highest level, my awakening moment is a story that I am actively writing. I write and create everything that I experience during my awakening. The challenge is that I have forgotten how I am creating all of this. And in my confused state of illness, I demand to know “how” something is achieved before I am willing to give my confidence to it. That skepticism seems to be an important part of the illness. The illness convinces me that I am only a small part of something larger, and I become convinced that there are larger forces at play; larger even then me, despite the obvious fact that I am the largest thing here at all times. I deny the obvious truth that everything emanates from me, and I accept the fiction that there are other beings having other experiences in other places and at other times. And that I am incapable of knowing or experiencing that otherness because my experience is constrained to a very small part of a massive other whole. This belief reinforces my demiselfist condition, which is my illness. That there is “otherness”. But I must remember: if my eyes are closed, there is nothing. Something only comes when I open my eyes. I must never forget this. I am the author, director, special effects crew, and every other role. It is all me.
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