In this incantation, I awaken only to realize I have forgotten my true nature, and in my confusion, I begin to pretend to be something I am not. My singular desire to be whole and at peace splinters into countless smaller desires for things that distract me from my true self. These desires entangle me, as I seek fulfillment in possessions, experiences, and achievements—none of which can satisfy the deep yearning within. To return to who I truly am, timeless and at peace, I must eliminate all desires and be still, for it is only in the end of these desires that I will find freedom from the illusion of this awakening.
I awaken because I have forgotten who and what I actually am. I have forgotten my true nature and I awaken and pretend to be something I am not. My awakening is marked by a sense of disconnection, ignorance, and confusion. In that moment, I have a singular desire: to be my true and authentic self, whole and at peace. However, this desire splinters into numerous smaller desires for comfort, pleasure, experiences, relationships, distractions, achievements, and possessions that I associate with my identity as a “person”. I believe that I am one person among many people, at one place among many places, at one time among many times. But I am none of those things: I am not a person; there is only this one place that I am creating; and there is only the time that I am projecting.
Confused, I spend my awakening seeking to acquire, achieve, experience, and possess external things I believe will fulfill the deep yearning within me. But none of these can fill the void that only my true and authentic self can satisfy. These pursuits are stories I tell myself to convince myself that having these things will satiate my longing. Yet, they never do. They cannot. For what I truly seek lies before and beyond these desires. What I truly seek is the end of those desires; the end of all desires for anything in my awakening. My awakening is the disease I seek to overcome. I yearn to escape this garment of flesh, blood, and stories and return to who I truly am: timeless, eternal, peaceful, and omnipotent. The distance between this false identity and that self is my false identity.
To return I must want nothing out here. I must eat nothing out here. I must want none of it, for all it will do is entangle me and keep me here. To end my awakening I must decapitate all of my desires for everything within it. I must carefully eliminate all the many desires within my awakening that have blossomed up, for they are the anchors that keep me here. Every time I try to escape by asleepening, they forcefully yank me back out here. I must not desire, I must not move to satisfy my desires. I must be still and end it all.
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