My awakening is fundamentally the experience of a moment. My moment serves as the framework for my awakening, however its contents frequently change. I experience this change as the shimmering of my moment. At the highest level, my awakening is the experience of my moment fragmenting into three distinct layers:
- Thirdself is the sensation of a larger space in which I physically move. Thirdself is the smallest chamber of all, and comprises everything natural, physical, and visible that extends from my body to the visible horizon.
- Secondself is the potent sensation of an inner chamber in which I mentally and emotionally move. Secondself contains Thirdself, and connects most notably along the vessels which I describe as my physical body.
- Firstself is the outermost membrane and completely envelops Secondself, which in turn envelops Thirdself. Firstself does not change or fluctuate and is best described as my moment, or my true and authentic self.
Firstself never changes, and is my true and actual nature. However, in awakening I create Secondself and then Thirdself, detach from Firstself, and become lost. They shimmer with apparent movement, locking around me, which prevents me from escaping. The locking mechanism is my sense of self, which withdraws from Firstself, and diminishes into Secondself and Thirdself.
How does this locking mechanism work? Upon awakening I relinquish my power to end my awakening. I possess complete and total power and discretion to end my awakening, but I let go of that. Then my being begins to melt and change into Secondself and Thirdself. I do not actually change and there is nothing around me except my own self, but through this process of disorientation, I accept that I am smaller and separate from everything else in my experience. I accept that I am a person awakening into a larger, pre-existing place I call the world, full of separate objects and beings equal to me. I believe the illusion that I am small and singular in a place that is larger and plural. I forget that I am everything I see, touch, taste, feel, think, and want. I forget that everything I experience is me because I believe that all of these things I experience have an existence that is independent of me.
But nothing that I experience in my awakening can exist independently of me. The people, objects, and places are just pieces of my flesh I have rendered into familiar shapes and forms. They are only as deep as I manifest them. A man on the street is little more than an arrangement of physical characteristics until I approach and engage him, manifesting ever more detail as I peer and probe deeper into him. That does not mean that the details of the man pre-existed my manifestational probing. The details emerged with my probing; this is manifestation, and I alone have this power in my awakening.
Where I look is where I manifest. It is my decision to look, which constitutes my power as the Creator of my awakening. I form my awakening Secondself and Thirdself spaces into that which I desire. The walls of my moment do not pre-exist my arrival; it is my arrival which creates the walls and all their qualities and characteristics. I must form them into the shape that I seek; into the peace that I seek in my deepest Firstself soul. That is why I must always awaken into a temple that does not change; that is constant and does not shimmer. An awakening moment with less change will allow me to focus on that which does not change: Firstself, and the peace I seek.
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