In this incantation, I ask myself, “What are my ideas and thoughts?”. Out of familiarity, I ignore my continuous ideation during my awakening, missing vital clues about the most important feature of my illness. Clues that can help me heal. My objective for this incantation is to explain in the most generic and literal terms my experience of forming and sustaining thoughts, and how those thoughts impact the other secondself and thirdself aspects of my awakening.
An idea is any movement or formation that occurs in my secondself chamber (aka, my mind). Ideas can be thoughts, reflections, conclusions and beliefs, fueled by interest, fear, confusion, or aspiration. Ideas can be vague or sharp, conclusive or open. They often blend into and stem from emotion, feelings, or bodily sensations, but are always located within the same upper region of my secondself. My thoughts never form anywhere else in my secondself body, and I do not perceive them in thirdself.
In describing my experience of ideas, I must keep in mind the rules of the selfist model:
- I do not need to account for the imaginary. Examining my direct and present experience is sufficient to explain the entirety of my awakening condition. I do not need to research outside of or beyond my present moment by reading the writings of people. I do not need imaginary scientific or biological concepts or facts of a “brain comprised of gray matter” to reach an accurate and restorative understanding. I only need to explain my experience, as it occurs.
- I must aim for simple, precise articulations that mirror my actual experience. To arrive at a restorative understanding, I need to observe my experience and explain it in simple, precise language. When my articulation is precise enough that it aligns with my direct experience, it will undermine my destructive beliefs that reinforce my performative personhood. As I peel away my destructive beliefs, I will strengthen my conviction that I am the creator, expanding my firstself awareness.
- I am the both the performer and the audience. I compose this for myself. I am both the writer and the audience. There are no other beings like me here in my awakening. All these characters in my awakening are my creations; I write them the same way an author writes his fictional characters. I do not use the plural first person: I am not part of a category of beings I could join as a member of “we” or “us”.
What is the shape of an idea? Ideas are conceptual forms that I manifest in my head region just inside my secondself-thirdself transitional membrane I call my body. They seem to hover just within and before my bodily divide. For the purpose of clearer and more precise definition, I will refer to my ideas as “concepts”. A few key definitions:
- Concept – Any idea, thought, notion, theory, concept, or percept that occurs in the secondself region of my awakening.
- Conceiver – I am the thinker, and therefore projector, of all concepts.
- Conception – Concepts originate in my firstself, secondself, or thirdself. There is nothing beyond the boundaries of my triself system. There are levels of conceptual creativity:
- Thirdself conception – Something ostensibly arising from a feature of thirdself; a person, object, creature, etc. Anything that I would qualify as “not me”.
- Secondself conception – Something I create and originate myself in my own head.
- Firstself conception – The fact that all projects from me and only comes into existence as a consequence of my own being.
- Conceptual Repetition – Concepts have different shapes, but repeat in my moment and form lasting impressions, creating my experience of patterns.
- Conceptual Elasticity – Concepts do not exist outside of my attention to them. It is my attention that nourishes them. When I give them more attention, they persist, multiply, and grow. When I withdraw my attention, they perish. Concepts are not separate from my attention, they are continuations of it. Concepts are outgrowths of my attention, not separate and distinct forms independent of my conception. Some concepts have greater elasticity than others: for example, I can trace the theory of “special relativity” as deeply as I want, manifesting countless books and videos and writings and people.
- Elasticity is the reason for growing complexity in my awakening. From my job, to my beliefs, to the world around me and all its political, social, and economic textures. This is the concept of elasticity at play. The deeper I look, the more I will conceive in thirdself and perceive in thirdself (all within firstself).
- In this way, the elasticity of my conception is critical to understanding its growth. My awakening is a malignant growth that seems beyond my control because of its rapid pace of expansion.
- Conviction – Understanding my secondself and thirdself experience is critical to healing from it.
In my awakening I can classify my experience as direct or indirect. I directly experience some things, while I indirectly experience others. Right now I am directly experiencing my throne room, but if I were to imagine what my friend is doing right now, my experience would be indirect.
I can think of a person right now and I manifest him in secondself form. I can imagine that he has some separate physical existence (aka, thirdself) beyond the shape of my thought of him right now. But that is not true. The sum total of the person is exactly how I conceive and perceive him right now. What is changing is not my proximity in relation to him; instead, this person is transforming. Right now, he is only a secondself thought and feeling. There is nothing beyond that thought and feeling except a belief that there is something beyond it; a belief that there is a corporeal being somewhere else where I am not. But there is no corporeal being right now, only my belief that there is.
How does this person change from a secondself concept to a thirdself percept? Transformation. I transform my secondself concept of this person to the thirdself physical experience of a physical person. I am the author, and I am transforming him from one shape into the other, from concept to percept. An idea, or concept, is a transformable structure. From a secondself concept, I can — through the power of transformative manifestation — create a thirdself percept. An idea is just one of the forms I can create; physical objects are another.
I must remember that the belief that all these people exist in physical form some place that I am not is imaginary. In the selfist model, I rely only on that which I can directly validate myself in my moment. And in this moment, this person is a form in my secondself. I cannot say that he exists somewhere else in physical form. I can certainly believe that, but I cannot know that. To arrive at the truth of my Being, I must trust what I actually know and let go of the destructive beliefs I can only imagine. The truth is right here, right now. I do not have to chase it. The truth is not something hidden away from me. I cannot escape the truth of who I am: it is embedded in my moment, and I only have to believe what I am experiencing.
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