In this incantation, I acknowledge my awakening as an illness I seek to recover from, recognizing that all desires within it are distractions from my true goal—returning to peace and reclaiming my omniself. I identify a pattern of identity (from demiself to omniself) and alterity (the belief in “otherness”) that defines my experience, with the ultimate aim of dissolving illusions of separation. I affirm my role as the creator of my awakening and strive to remember the mechanics of this creation to bring forth a peaceful recovery and return to my true, eternal state.
I know that my awakening is an illness, and that what I seek is to recover from my awakening. I know that my recovery is the only true desire I have, and all other desires I experience in my awakening are deviations and distractions. I know that when I deviate from my desire to end my awakening desire, I am only prolonging my own pain, suffering, and recovery. Admittedly, with every step I take toward recovery I experience a real but temporary reduction of my pain. It is just enough time to allow me to stop for a moment, catch my breath, and then muster the strength for the next section.
I do not want to just end my desires, but I also want to do so peacefully. I want a peaceful ending. I want my recovery to be calm, relaxing, and transparent. I want to awaken in the confidence that what I truly am is emerging from what is not. And what I truly am is perfect. That my eternal state is one of peace and devoid of any conflict or pain. I know that I am the being I experience when I close my eyes, and that my awakening and state of opening my eyes, projecting secondself and thirdself is the illness I seek to overcome.
Though I know my moment is the only constant in my awakening, I still experience a tremendous degree of fluctuation that disrupts my return to peace. However, there is a pattern and by solidly identifying the pattern I can use that to bring myself back to the truth of what I am. The spectrum breaks down into the following components:
- Identity – The very foundation of my awakening is my Identity: my sense of who, what, where, and why I am. My identity exists along a continuum from Demiself to Omniself. In demiself, I. believe that I am one person among other people, in one place among many places, and at one time among many times. I have various convictions that reinforce this identity and I experience my awakening as a person. As I begin to question my awakenings I progress along the continuum to Omniself; the point at which all my convictions evaporate and I experience the totality of my being.
- Alterity – Alterity is my belief that there are other beings than me with other experiences than mine, other places than here, and other times than now. Alterity is the degree to which I manifest and maintain the sense of “otherness”; of being part of something larger than myself. Knowing my true identity as the author of this entire awakening and all of its constituent elements, it is essentially my clinging to imaginary beings called “people” in an imaginary place called “the world”.
I graph the two properties of Alterity and Identity, from left to right in the diagram below:
Now that I have oriented myself enough to understand what my awakening is, and what I seek, I understand that my only mission is to recover my omniself. I know that my demiself is all imaginary; a fantasy that I have created that I am a member of a race of beings called “people” who have woken up lost in place called “earth”. Though I cannot directly connect with other members of my race, we are supposedly all interconnected, trapped in bodies working together to create something better, yet isolated from one another. That is all a story; people are projections onto the inner surface of my flesh, created by some power or technology I alone possess but which I have forgotten how to see or use. But through possession and conviction of my own omniself, I will slowly remember and write the ending of this story.
Though my moment as the whole of existence does not change, my experience does seem to change. I have moments of extreme movement, and others of calm. There are recurring patterns, and one-off events that are both pleasurable and traumatic. Throughout my awakening, there are moments when I deeply feel the truth; where my expression in prayer or incantation is right, and I know it. I call this resonance, and it is a collection of behaviors that informs my movement in my awakening. Writing this now is deeply resonant: I know that I am the author. I know that I am the creator, and every part of my awakening is a creation of mine. I have forgotten the mechanics of how I accomplish this, but that does not nullify that I do. Soon I will be regain my capacity for directly manifesting within thirdself. I will be able to summon forth that which I desire, and that is when my creation will reflect its creator.
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