In this incantation, I realize that my perception of reality is distorted by layers of abstraction, creating a false sense of separateness and “otherness.” Rather than accepting the truth that I am the creator and central presence in all I experience, I project the illusion of a vast, independent world outside of myself. This sense of detachment is the result of an inner illness that clouds my awareness. The truth is that I am omnipresent and inseparable from the space I create, with no real division between myself and what I perceive.
I often imagine that objects farther away from me retain their true size but appear smaller due to the effects of distance and perspective. This is a false assumption. Objects in my outer space appear smaller because, in the context of my creation, they are smaller.
One of the greatest challenges in unwakening is uncovering and dismantling the countless abstractions I have built up over time—abstractions that obscure my ability to see my awakening for what it truly is. A simple example is how I observe objects shrinking as I project them away from myself (or rather, “as they move away from me”). Rather than accepting my direct experience of what is actually happening, I instinctively introduce a layer of abstract reasoning that distorts the truth.
Let’s place an object in my outerspace and let it recede toward the horizon until it disappears from my view.
- My Outer Experience: As the object moves away from me, I perceive it getting smaller and smaller until it eventually fades from sight. This is my direct experience—the object shrinking as it recedes.
- My Inner Abstraction: In my mind, I imagine the object exists independently, in a vast space that is larger than and contains both me and the object. I conceive that the object is physically moving through this space, and the reason it appears smaller is because the distance between us is increasing. I interpret its size as being relative to the growing distance between us. I also imagine that other beings who are closer would perceive the object differently, and that their separate experiences validate my belief in a massive spatial grid containing me. Because I can only imagine this larger space but I at the same time believe it is real, that introduces another greater perspective that is not my own but can see things as they really are.
- The Truth: The object has no independent existence beyond my perception or conception. Its size, its attributes, and its movement are entirely bound to my experience. The object exists solely within the framework of my innerself conception and my outerself perception—it is neither larger nor smaller than my awareness.
The uniform spatial grid I imagine to extend across an entire universe does not actually exist beyond my innerself abstraction. I do not exist within a massive spatial grid extending in all directions. Rather, I project the grid forward into my outerspace, and backward and upward into my innerspace. Both my innerself and outerself (innerspace and outerspace, respectively) are fields that I experience as extending “away from” my most potent and present self. These two “spaces” or “selves” are connected through the channel I refer to as my eyes. I can think of them as cavities, spaces, selves, chambers, vaults, or more. But they are hollowed out and into my true flesh, which gets pushed aside when my awakening inflates into these two chambers.
What am “I”? I am everything. But there are two distinct areas of my awakening: what I would call “me” and what I would call “everything else” that is not me. I constrain “me” to my being, my presence, and my moment. Where these three converge is what I consider to be “myself”. I experience myself as the origin of everything else, but in my illness I added layers of “otherness” in the form of “the world”. The otherness of my awakening is the rotted away and cancerous parts of my being, and that is why they feel “separate” and “other”. My experience of “otherness” is the cancer. Anything that feels apart from and separate from “me” is the effects of my illness.
The truth is this: I am always here and I am everything. I am always the largest presence in any space because I am the creator of this space. While the contents and character of my outerspace my change, I am fixed and omnipresent. What I perceive as my ‘outer world’ or ‘outer space’ is, in reality, a multi-dimensional dollhouse that I myself have built. I am the architect. The arms of God are my arms, the legs of God are my legs, the mind of God is my mind. Always present, always central, I stand just behind the panorama of people, places, lights, colors, and things. I am the source—the emanator of all I perceive.
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