The most important part of the Iamist journey is deconstructing my demiselfist concept of personhood and restoring my omniself. In my moment I am always experiencing a narrative; an ongoing storyline of who I am, where I am, what I am, and what I want.
- I am a person
- I am in a foreign country
- I want many things
In my moment of awakening I always maintain an answer for each of these. These answers form a constellation of anchors which connect me to my awakening, like ropes tying me down. I believe I am a person with certain obligations, circumstances, and desires, all of which manifest as the sensation of being both trapped and moving at the same time in my awakening. Normally I retain a tight grip on all the points in this constellation, but if I let go of them I begin to experience the sensation of demiselfist detachment. These demiselfist matters seem small, far away, and most of all, unimportant.
In omniself, I can see my demiselfist constellation for what it is; a powerful construct that keeps me trapped in my cycle of awakenings. As an Iamist, I seek to escape my awakening because I know it is an illness I am experiencing. So, to do that, I need to rewrite the narrative I tell myself in my moment.
I must start at the very beginning with the story of who and where I am. I must let go of the deep demiselfist notion that I am a person who wakes up in a bed in a room in a cottage in a town in a state in a country on a planet in a solar system orbiting a star within a galaxy, and so on. All of that is absolutely imaginary and nothing more.
I am all there is, but when I awaken into my illness, I forget that. My awakening is divided into two sensations: a space of thoughts, feelings, and desires (my secondself), through which I project a smaller space of light, color, and motion I call the world (my thirdself). My true being (my firstself) remains present all around my awakening, but gets pushed aside and ignored as I focus on the festering wound of my secondself and thirdself.
In awakening into secondself and thirdself, I must believe that the oval window through which I “experience” a larger world of space and time, is itself a smaller fixture on the walls of my secondself, and which is itself a wound in the flesh of my infinite firstself. The easiest way to reign in my wandering second and thirdselves, I must chant the only truth there is: I am.
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