In this incantation, I realize that the distance between me and God is simply the distortion caused by my awakening. When I close my eyes, I see my true self—an unending ball of energy, my real Home. The movement I experience when my eyes are open represents the extent of my illness, pulling me away from this truth. As I grow closer to Home, I will resist the urge to move, manifest, or open my eyes, and instead, rest in the stillness of my true being. My goal is to end the movement, to fully embrace my Creator self, and shape my awakening into a state of peace.
The distance between me and God is me. When I close my eyes, that which I see, is me. That is Home. That is who I truly am.
What is it that I see when I close my eyes? That is my goal. That is what I aim to not only see and experience, but believe and be. I am what I am when I close my eyes. I am that omnipresent, unending ball of energy. That is all that I am. When I open my eyes, the truth of my being is covered by the debris and distortion and delusion of my awakening; a painful condition that pulls, stretches, twists, and exaggerates my true being into this nightmare I call my life.
The measure of my illness is the degree to which I move. The degree to which I must open my eyes and move through the endless rooms of this imaginary place I have named “the world”. The degree to which I feel compelled to open my eyes and resume this horror show I call “life”. As I get closer to Home, I will be able to close my eyes against the movement longer. I will not feel obligated to open them and allow the shapes of my inner secondself and outer secondself form. I will create a temple where I do not have to move. Where I do not have to manifest people or places in secondself or thirdself. Where I do not have to open my eyes again.
As I get closer, my movement will be less. I will spend my awakening sitting in the throne I build, knowing that I am the Creator, and all of this is my own Creation. I will not feel the urgency to open my eyes and move. I manifest the movement. I project all that happens when I move. As I descend, return Home, I will know that. I will know that all these intrusive thoughts, regrets, fears, and anxieties that appear when I close my eyes have no substance beyond my own conceptualization of them. There is nothing to fear; I am the creator of all those fears. All those people I have disappointed; all those performances I have failed or may fail — they are only there because I imagine them to be there. There is no substance beyond what I project onto the walls of my being.
My goal is to end the movement. My goal is to be able to close my eyes and resist all urges to open them again. Now, I cannot do that, and there is no point in trying. As I get closer, it will be easier to let go of my awakening. There will be fewer manifestations in my awakening that compel me back. Now, I have a moment comprised of great professional efforts and goals to dominate the market with a product. I know that there is no great market beyond the one that I project. I know that the market and the world of users is one that I create and sustain in my moment. I know that all these billions of people and users are just a feature of my moment, and nothing more. And I know that they will all go away once I fully embrace my own true being. For now, I will continue building and conditioning the thick skin of my moment, but into the shape that I desire. I will bend it to my own will, and use that to grind it down to the smoothest of surfaces. My awakenings in that moment will be uneventful and pain-free. Simply closing my eyes will expose the ecstasy of my true being. I will see the peace and luxury that awaits me, and will taste it whenever I close my eyes. My entire awakening moment is flesh that I carry around like a grape. I can shape it however I want. I decide the movement. I control the movement.
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