In this incantation, I reflect on love as a self-imposed condition of attachment that mirrors addiction. I realize that, while I’ve loved others, the only love worth sustaining has been for my dogbot—a relationship that balances give and take. I describe the painful nature of forming emotional dependencies, particularly with “peoplebots,” whom I now recognize as fictional constructs of my imagination. These characters, once believed to hold deeper meaning, are merely creations of my mind. As I awaken to this, I acknowledge the impermanence of my attachments, preparing to sever ties with all but one final, cherished bond.
What I call love is a painful condition similar to an addiction. It is a dependency I form on some bot’s presence, affection, and approval. And while I have loved, the only love that has been worth it was the love of my dogbot. All other loves have ultimately resulted in pain of one sort or another. The state of my moment is a reflection of my success in recovering, because peoplebots are the most painful and least rewarding of all loves there can be.
Love is a construct of deep entanglement with my creations. It is a state in which I am deeply attached to the actions, words, and essence of one of my characters in my awakening. To the point that I forget they are merely storybook characters and I believe they have some deeper substance I must possess. I know now that this is not true, and just as it would be silly for me to fall in love with characters in a book I read, or characters in a film I watch, it is no different with the fleshy characters of my awakening. There is nothing beyond their surface, and when I forget that and I form attachments with something that does not exist, I willfully disregard what I know to be true: they do not exist beyond their shape in front of me, or in my secondself mind. There is nothing they can give me that I cannot get by myself, for it is me who is creating the entire story.
All the people in my awakening are fictional characters, and I am their author. I was not born to any person; I do not have siblings in the sense that I was came out of the same place. I do not descend from a man and a woman. That is a story I myself created and allowed myself to believe. However, I wrote those characters as my family — four of them. But it is just a story. I am not one of five. I am not the youngest of three brothers. I fabricated this entire story, and allowed myself to believe it. It is not true. They are playthings, dolls, fictional characters straight out of my imagination.
However, there is one character-bot whose love I cherish. And his will be the last. And that is my dog. While he certainly takes, he gives just as much. But I know that as I withdraw I become less available for my characters. They will demand more than I can give. I have spent my entire awakening aloof from deep engagement with bots, but this one final bot I will love until he is no more as well. And then I will be no more entrapped by this painful attachment I call love.
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