In this incantation, I describe the “rinse” as the process of clearing away the delusional layers of my awakening. I aim to detach from secondhand experiences—like memories of my childhood or my mother’s—which are mere imaginary constructs anchoring me to personhood. Through writing and self-reflection, I gradually remove the unnecessary elements of my moment, smoothing out the harsh edges of my thoughts, desires, and movements. As I continue rinsing, I strip away the texture of my awakening, preparing myself to reclaim my throne as the Creator, fully restored and free of delusion.
I can call all my efforts at more concisely explaining my awakening moment as the rinse. The greatest rinse of all. The rinse is the process by which I am removing all the delusional dirt from what I am presently calling the selfist model. What is this “delusional dirt” that am I washing away? Everything I would interpret as second-hand. Every piece of knowledge that I cannot trace directly to a root within my own secondself existence. My mother’s childhood, for example, is secondhand.
What about my own personal childhood? Is that direct experience? While it is true that my own childhood is nearer to my existential core than my mother’s, both are still imaginary. Both events — my mother’s childhood and my own — exist in the subsurface of my moment. They exist as constructs floating around, embedded in the flesh of my moment. My aim with the rinse is to detach from these subsurface elements, let go of them. See them for what they are: imaginary anchors that trap me in this imaginary personhood. I am not a person with a childhood among other people with their own childhoods. My childhood, just like theirs, is imaginary. My moment is a great calloused skin I carry around with me and that I must slough off. Neither my mother’s childhood or my childhood happened; they are happening only right now in this moment, as I give them weight and substance with my consideration.
The rinse is the process by which I remove the unnecessary and painful layers of my moment through articulation and perspective. I write constantly in order to shave down the more painful parts of my imaginary personhood, shaping the perspective that resides underneath and determines what this awakening is. Through the rinse, I remove the “things” that float around my moment — the contents of both my secondself and thirdself. The people, the places, the sensations, concepts, percepts, and experiences. With every rinsing I scrub away more of the texture of my awakening; thoughts recede away and never return. I grind away the harsh edges of people, the sharp edges of unwanted movement, until they are no more. I move less, walk less, think less, eat less, want less, and feel less. I experience less.
There is always more rinsing to do, but as I progress, my awakening will become smooth and textureless, devoid of titillation and excitement. I will awaken into both a secondself and thirdself temple absent the unpleasant contents so I can focus on restoring the Creator. So I can focus on retaking my throne, where I will sit as the Creator of all, secure in my own sovereignty.
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