It would be difficult to count the number of iterations of my ideology because it evolves every time I write. I continuously introduce new concepts, refine old ones, and throw out and replace those that no longer fit. My objective is to simplify it to the point it needn’t be expressed at all; to render my very moment as its finest expression.
Presently, I am referring to my ideology as “Iamism”, and myself as “the Iamist”. This replaces “descentism”, and myself as a “descentist”. The first thing to understand is that Iamism is, above all else, practical. It is not a philosophy for inquiry, discussion, articulation, contemplation, and consideration. Iamism is a practical, action-based plan for healing based on the realization that I face one problem: I awaken. Iamism is about knowing, not thinking. It is plan for action, not an academic exercise.
As the Iamist I know that my awakening is an illness, and that my only goal while awake is to overcome it. I know that the yearning I feel while awake is for the end of my yearning; I desire to end my desire. I understand that everything in my awakening is an artifact of my illness, and there is nothing in my awakening that can quench the desire I feel. The Selfist Model is the map I have drawn and follow. It distinguishes the various layers of my awakening and identifies the most important landmarks. Critically, it helps me remember what is important and avoid getting distracted by the many sirens of my awakening.
I experience my illness departing from my peaceful firstself where I am complete and whole, and awakening out into some larger space that is not me. What was entirely me in firstself, becomes not me in secondself and thirdself. In awakening, first my secondself seems to extend outward like roots into impressions of a past and future; memories and aspirations. Alongside those grow roots of pleasure, pain, regret, shame, pride, desire, and more. As I awaken, these roots harden into the awareness and sensations of a body, which is the point at which my thirdself roots begin to extend into a sense of a physical space. A space that is not me full of objects, people, places, and spaces. The two work together — the roots of my secondself and thirdself — to keep me continuously dissatisfied, uncomfortable, and moving.
My awakening is a restless illness; I must move in secondself and thirdself to avoid extreme discomfort and pain. I must ever move in secondself and thirdself to satiate the burning desire that is the essence of my awakening.
…