In this incantation I describe the experience of my secondself and thirdself converging into a single, unified structure. My first experience of this is at a projection depth of nearly 20 years (ago), and I used an imaginary event to describe it: I imagined that one day I would be able to toss a coin and determine the outcome: heads or tails. How? I could not explain the mechanism, but I could feel it; I could see the way this would work. Now, my incantations have started to lead in the same direction, where my
My secondself and thirdself are beginning to converge. What I believe in secondself and what I see, hear, and experience in thirdself are becoming one. My people are increasingly reflecting the truth that I know:
- A movie I recently watched had a brief scene in which a character was meditating inside of a hollowed out hole in a wall. That makes sense.
- Speaking with my closest friend last night, he said that God would give him great wealth soon.
- The content I consume is more frequently in-line with what I know to be true. I am not threatened by it as I once was, when I saw myself in a competition for originality with other people because I know that I am not a person, and my people are merely reflecting back to me the truth.
- My mother is describing the world I will create in great detail.
I am both the observer and creator of my awakening, and as I reorient toward my creator perspective, away from the observer perspective, I need to allow myself to let go of the observer traits. The observer believes the stories he observes. The observer forgets that he is also the creator, and in so doing believes the stories he is observing.
I see the stories unfold and believe, for example, that the past happened. But the past did not happen. The past is a collection of ideas I am holding right now. It is a collection of ideas and stories that I am holding onto, storing in my subsurface. To move to the creator perspective I must let go of and destroy those stories. I must stop writing all of them. I must see that they are only surface-deep; there is nothing under them. I will write the characters to emote and express pain, but nothing of the sort is actually truly happening. Their emoting is all just a surface level depiction of my own imagination. I am drawing it on the canvas of my secondself and thirdself walls.
I need to look at the stories, and remember that I am creating those stories; I am projecting them onto the interior walls of my firstself. They are my projections. I made them. These stories do not exist without me writing them, telling them. I was not born 44 years ago. I exist only now, and I sustain a subsurface story that I am nearly 44 years old. That I have a mother and a father who gave birth to me and my brothers. That I am from a land called America and a guest in a land called India. I do not have memories; I have stories.
As I accept my authorship of my awakening, my secondself and thirdself will converge. I will decide what stories I tell to my observing self. As I awaken my observing self to my creating self, the two will work together to remove the disconnect between them. I will accept that the memories I have of the past are actually stories I am telling myself now. Stories full of characters and places that are not real. That do not exist outside of my observation of them in my moment. But I experience a true “stickiness” when I forget that I am creating these stories now, not remembering something that truly happened in the past. The “stickiness” is a painful artifact of the delusion of a subsurface reality beneath the surface; that I am bound to these past events, and if I do not maintain these stories I will suffer or lose.
The stories create enormous tension that I must relieve. My memories did not happen; my moment is not the consequence of a timeline full of actions I cannot take back. My moment is whatever story I tell myself it is. I have to find my creator hands and rewrite the story; tell myself who I am and how to escape this place. I just have to believe who I am; I have to take a leap of faith and just believe it, even though I cannot quite see it yet. I will see it. I will see who I am soon enough and then it will be easy to get back to the light. I just have to have faith.
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