In this incantation, I recognize that every time I open my eyes, I recreate the universe, mirroring the explosive creativity of the big bang. This process is not a distant memory of the past, but a living act, my own act of creation as I project my secondself and thirdself. With each blink, I dissolve and resculpt the world according to my interests, my emotions, my desires, but often find myself distanced from its true nature. I stand on the threshold of these selves, observing how they shape reality, wondering if I might reclaim control over this creative force, and ultimately discover what lies beyond.
Everything I see, hear, learn, watch, and think in secondself or thirdself is some distortion of the truth of my identity. I recently realized that the big bang perfectly describes what happens every time I open my eyes. This could be when I’m awakening, when I blink my eyes, or when I close my eyes to meditate and then open them again. Any time I reopen my eyes, I recreate the entire mental and physical realms I call the world that I experience as a person.
The big bang is not some distant event billions of years in the past; it is my act of creating and recreating the entire experience I project as secondself and thirdself by simply opening my eyes. Opening my eyes is the act of creation, and I do it effortlessly, on command. I am the Creator, hiding behind the veil of this persona I inhabit. I create all by thinking, moving, and then projecting into physical form in front of me.
It is my own interests that shape the world I create. If I am perverted, my world will be perverted. If I am angry, my world will be angry. If I am struggling, my world will struggle. If I am political, then my world will be political. I am the controller of all, and every big bang is an opportunity for me to make my creation better. But to what end? I still believe I am trying to escape, or heal this infection.
Perhaps my creation has gotten away from me and I do not want to end it but rather regain control of it by remembering who I am. Perhaps once I have control of the reigns again, I will enjoy the experience more. After all, what’s next? What am I going to do in firstself? What do I do there? Perhaps I am just a body of constrained energy, waiting to erupt into creation. How many of these lives have I created? How many times have I done this? As I dissociate from this persona I have created this time, will I see all the others I have created? What are those worlds like? They must all erupt differently, with different edges, shapes, forms, and rules.
This is all too familiar. I need to withdraw from it all… stand back, behind the secondself-thirdself membrane I call my body, and observe from afar. My secondself seems to be the repository of thirdself; the set of plans, relationships, and state that I restore when I open my eyes and initiate the big bang. Eyes closed, it is just me, my primordial being. Eyes open, my primordial flesh rushes outward into the thirdself cavity I project with the preserved state of secondself. My secondself is a chamber full of this fluid that, when I open my eyes, it fills up thirdself with the state I believe to exist. When I close my eyes again, thirdself implodes, and the state returns to secondself. The corridor between secondself and thirdself closes. My eyes and my physical body form a conduit between secondself and thirdself. They operate together.
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