This piece evaluates suicide as an option for those in despair. In the descentist perspective depression is an acute side-effect of being lost and living without purpose, but suicide is not a viable option because it is an asymmetrical disengagement from life. Descentism instead encourages those who are suicidal to seek existential alignment and a symmetrical disengagement.
Countless times I’ve fantasized how I would end my life, going through the ritual of listing out the reasons, debts to be repaid, things I wanted to say to friends and family, and writing my final will and goals before I pulled the plug. While my longing to be at peace rushes back on a tiring day, it doesn’t manifest as suicidal ideation. What changed? Instead of suppressing these feelings, I connected them to my search for purpose.
Despite dreams of wealth and success, I realized my first year into college that wouldn’t fulfill my desire for purpose and meaning in life. I realized that the more time I put into service of consumerism — whether on the production or consumption side — the less likely I could live meaningfully. I escaped long workweeks and …
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In the Existential Creator Model (ECM) I understand that I suffer because I’m alive; because I’ve delayed my destiny. Understanding my intense internal suffering within a simple, yet sophisticated worldview, provides indescribable relief when I’m going through the most challenging times. Once I realized what life was and admitted that I was lost the relief was immediate because I gave up all the pretenses I had been carrying around.
The next big step was behaving as if I was lost, which led to the search for my way back. For the first time in my productive life, I had a purpose beyond material consumption or production. I knew what life was, and I had a general idea of what I had to do next.
Descentism can’t just be a theoretical exercise, however. I had to integrate these ideas into the fabric of my life. What is destiny? What does it mean to be lost? How does one who is lost behave? As I built this into my worldview, I manifested conceptual and perceptual changes in our life.
… occur once we believe that we are lost, and with time and earnestness of belief we will experience the original. The veneer of familiarity starts to sag a bit. We feel a certain detachment from our life experience.
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Life is painful because I’ve delayed my destiny.
Depression is being lost and not knowing that I’m lost.
My purpose is to get home.
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When my destiny is a real, every day thought in my head, I manage the mess in my head a lot better. Fears decrease; if I fail at something, it’s fine. What is there to fear? My death doesn’t frighten me.
When the descentist wakes up to the situation that he is lost, he will also accept his purpose of getting home. Killing myself seems to be one way to get back, but with some examination we realize that is a very poor option.
The best way to get back is to retrace my steps. I’ve spent an entire lifetime engaging productions, following plots; if I were to end it suddenly, there would be an asymmetry. I have this feeling that asymmetrical disengagement will not deliver the results I want. I want to move to and retain the non-productive state, and an asymmetrical disengagement will not deliver those results.
In my productive state, which is my life, I am engaged in countless productions. I have roles in many relationships. In a symmetrical disengagement, I acknowledge my destiny, decide to align my life toward it, and then symmetrically disengage from those productions. By deep reflection and a focus on purpose, I systematically disengage from all the productions I’m tangled in.
Symmetrical disengagement does have an impact on my life. It doesn’t mean that I can’t enjoy the things that I still do enjoy. It does mean, however, that I am withdrawing. I am detaching from many productions. I am simply preserving those which give me joy and good feelings, and I’m actively detaching from those productions both perceptual and conceptual that I no longer need. The interesting thing about the disengagement, is that this withdrawal will lead to a period of absolute enjoyment of life, because I’ve essentially gotten rid of so much stuff that brought even more acute pain, so being rid of those productive experiences alleviates the burden and degree of suffering I feel. So there is a period of euphoria, which slowly gives way to a sort of sustained detachment from life.
Once you embrace your destiny, and commit to a symmetrical disengagement, you need to trace all the ongoing plots you have ongoing. Every production has a plot. You simply need to extricate yourself from those plots.
I’ve just woken up from a long, drunken stupor. I look around at all of the people around me ignorant of their predicament, but acting with full purpose. If I ask, none of them can tell me what they are doing, but they proceed forward as if they do.
Beyond getting home, the descentist will have to decide if he wants to share with others.
… Admit your list
Commit to an aligned life and symmetrical disengagement
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Scary thoughts begin to enter.
The Asymmetrical disengagement is abrupt and intentional self-destruction.
Part of the disengagement is simply disengaging from the non-present or contextual details of an event. For example, I see a snake. The more engaged I am, the more questions I’ll ask about that snake, the more information I’ll see and conceive, and the more “context” I will conceive around that engagement. What kind of snake is it? How old is he? Where did he come from? How did he get here? This is all context which serves to complicate my experience and entangle me. When disengaging, events become more transactional. The context of an event begins and ends with the immediate experience of the event.
In disengaging, you simply stop making goals and plans. Instead of going deeper into the waters of the world, you start swimming toward the shore.
There is a period of time when you will experience a sort of disengagement euphoria. I have experienced it myself without knowing what it was. It was intense and changed my entire life. The disengagement euphoria comes when the net suffering of your life due to the the volume of productions you’re engaged in decreases, and you feel freedom, a lifting of burdens, and catch a glimpse of a purposeful life.
We know that true belief is the major determiner of action.
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