Watching a movie and it said – “We don’t just live in the universe, the universe lives in us”. I like that and it really hits at my philosophy and reminds me of the crossed aggregations I used to draw. We really are just existing at the intersection of all of these dimensions – and these binary dimensions are the universe and they are in us. What if we conceive of life this way? What then? What powers can it give us? What control can I have? I can have full control because I can choose to believe what I want. If I choose to believe that there is a world in which I am small and insignificant, then that will be my experience. It is by consuming the constructed dimensions of others that I play their games, assume a role that they have chosen for me. I started by consuming the core values of this particular aggregation:
- Life is most valuable.
- Success is most important in life, and I must do those things which will make me successful. Wealth will give me what I want.
- You are small and insignificant when you want things that others have.
I then spend all my time navigating this series of dimensions. I move my body through the dimensions that they occupy. I move my life through the abstract dimensions that I occupy. I am entangled in this web of dimensions over which I believe I have no control. I need to disentangle myself from all of this, starting at the top layer with those I can most readily see and counter. There is a process:
- Learning. New learning is the acquisition of new movement. Until you are certain of where a learning is taking you, be skeptical. Remembering is also the process of learning and placing yourself somewhere.
- Understand values. What is motivating you?
- Understand your position. Who and where are you in your world. What are your coordinates in this web of dimensionalism? Evaluate yourself on all the core dimensions that you use to evaluate others. Beauty, wealth, status, etc.
- Understand your momentum. Which direction are you going through the web?
- Reimagine concepts as they are. Every familiar concept is a matter of dimensional movement. It may not always be clear how, but with some consideration it can usually be imagined. An aspiration is an objective to acquire ceetain coordinates.
- Look behind meaning. We so strongly associate a thing with its given definition that we never consider it before it was defined. What existed before it was defined? If we remove the definition will we see something else? Accepted definitions give meaning and structure, but they also hide other qualities.
I want to escape. I didn’t always know what that meant, but I did know that it’s what I wanted. I came to believe that escaping meant acquiring the means to do whatever I wanted in this world. Material success. I’m still operating under this pretense. I want something from the web. I want a place in some aggregation in which I’m a small and insignificant person.
… As I was walking through the airport I felt low and thought about suicide many times. I imagined being denied permission to exit the country, going back to the apartment and jumping from the top floor. That certainly wouldn’t look accidental.
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