When I began my search for an understanding of my life, I would occasionally but irregularly happen upon a thought or reflection that would arouse a sensation of centeredness, revelation, and even epiphany. Compared to the rest of my daily life, these moments were clarified and energetic, giving me the sense I could see further into my existence. They hinted at something more, beyond the familiar. Often the afterglow of these moments would last for hours, even days, but eventually I would return to my mundane life of routine.
In those early days, I knew that these sensations were important, but I did not know how to increase the quantity or quality of them. They often happened when I wrote contemplatively, so I continued writing in hopes of experiencing them again. Work, routine, and worldly matters stifled these sensations. What I was searching for was a “switch” between my familiar secondself identity of personhood and my unfamiliar firstself identity of godhood.
I would not be able to articulate it until much later, but writing and contemplation sets the stage for deep “inward” concentration, a necessary element for effective incantation. Incantation — a word I once used rarely — is the practice of speaking the truth of my identity in an effort to overcome the enchanting familiarity of my secondself, and see through to my firstself. I experience the swtich between my two selves when I momentarily lift the spell of my personhood and see my own godhood. But when I understand what I am seeing in those moments of switching, the moment is even more powerful. The most powerful of all is when I assume my firstself identity; when I do not reflect or think, but “be”.
My personhood — which begins when I awaken and ends when I asleepen — is a feverish experience during which I believe I am a person. Every aspect of my awakening is predicated upon the delusion that I am a person temporarily experiencing a world full of other people. Every aspect of my personhood is one of limitation; I believe that I am only one of many, in one place among many, in one time among many. And beyond my being, place, and time, I believe there I am limited in my power to attain what I desire. All these limitations — of being, place, time, and desire — coalesce into the illness of my secondself I experience as personhood.
What is personhood? Personhood is a deep and painful enchantment I experience as familiarity, routine, and the sense of unfulfilled desire. In a word, personhood is the experience of demipotence; of limited power to achieve what I desire and be who I am. It is a state of conviction that there are many obstacles to satisfying this desire that burns within me. The only way to overcome the enchantment of personhood is to remember who I truly am, and end these awakenings by rediscovering my omnipotence. Selfist switching through contemplation and incantation is an effective technique because it extends to me moments of peace amid the chaos of my personhood.
In secondself, I am lost, disoriented, and confused. I do not know who I am or what I seek. I know only that I desire, not what I desire. And in my confusion I grasp at all the formations of my thirdself in hopes they will satisfy this desire I carry around inside of me. But they never do satisfy in any real, tangible way, frustrating me and causing more pain. When I experience a selfist switch, I momentarily see through the fog of secondself confusion to my firstself; a light so bright, reassuring, and calming. I see it, feel it; I am it, somehow, I think to myself. Just looking upon my firstself, even without knowing what it is, brings a great sense of tranquility. In these moments of peace, when my firstself opens before me, I must mindfully explore the sense of fulfillment I experience, and compare that to the dissatisfaction I experience when I return. Mindfulness in selfist switching is the key to my reorientation; toward achieving permanent release from my awakenings.
When I first began selfist switching I did not know what it was, only that I wanted whatever it was I saw and experienced. Over repeated switches I came to realize that what I experience my true self; my firstself, my godhood. And I realize that this is everything I desire; that there is nothing I want but do not have in firstself. There is no reason to awaken, move, grasp, desire, seek, search, give, take, expect, believe, know, perform, or be anything other than I am. Firstself is not something I can only briefly experience when I contemplate, meditate, or incant; firstself is who I am. When I believe I am god, the creator of this personhood, I will rediscover my omnipotence in all ways. And once I believe, I will not have to return.
Selfist switching is how I preview what awaits me; what is mine. I do not have to achieve anything; it is already mine, because it is me. I create my personhood when I awaken, and I release it when I asleepen. I only have to slow and end this cycle of conviction that keeps me awakening into my demipotent secondself, trapped and ill. I only have to let go of my demipotence in all its forms. Omnipotence is the unlimited power to achieve what I desire: the end of my desire altogether. When I can resume my godhood without having to return to my personhood, I will have defeated my demipotence and reclaimed my omnipotence.
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