Seeing is believing, and believing is seeing.
I can see who I am by closing my eyes and returning to my moment. As I let go of my secondself and thirdself constructs — the visual and sensational horizons of my thirdself, and the notional horizons of my secondself — I can believe that I am somewhere other than the space I occupy when my eyes are open. I can believe that this place I see when I close my eyes is somewhere. It is not the absence of light and inability to see where I am physically; it is actually the entirety of where I truly am. I am here, in this place that seems dark and free of forms. And I am always here. I never leave this place.
With the conviction that this place where my eyes are closed is somewhere very important, I am treated to eye-free visuals and body-independent sensations. Sometimes it is a great white light opening up above me, and others it is a throbbing white glow somewhere in “front of me”. With curiosity, and the belief that these are real, they grow in intensity. As I get closer to them, something happens to me; touching their edges I sense that they are where I want to be. That they are who I actually am.
I am those visuals. When I see them against a dark black, infinite background, I am looking at myself from a distance. I am looking back at who I am; I have projected myself outward, away from my true moment, and I am looking back. I do not recognize what I see, but I know it is something important. I must believe that is me, and I must enter that light. When I enter that light, I will know who I am. My awakenings are my experience of leaving this light, forgetting where I come from, and ignoring it when I see it.
…