In this incantation, I reveal a lifelong confrontation with a condition I’ve come to name Deminioia—the illusion of awakening into a fictional world I unknowingly write each morning. I realize that everything and everyone around me, including the version of myself I present to the world, is merely a projection powered by my attention. The true Me is the unseen Author, and the mask I wear—my character—is only a tool of immersion. My mission now is to stop writing the painful story before it unfolds, and instead, compose a peaceful ending so I may finally return to my whole self (Omninoia).
I’m trying to explain something fundamental about who I am and what this world is. Since I was young, I’ve been trying to understand what feels like a condition I live with—something I’ve described in many ways over the years. I now call it Deminioia.
Deminioia is the state I wake into each day—a kind of illusion where I believe I’m a character (with a name) living in a world filled with other people, places, and experiences. But I’ve come to realize that all of it—this world, these people, even time itself—is a narrative I write the moment I awaken. It’s not real in the sense that it is the most substantive realm of my being. It’s more like a movie I project from my true being, and then forget I’m projecting.
My character is not truly Me. He’s a mask, an avatar, even a kind of cancerous outgrowth. The true Me is the Author—something deeper and whole that exists behind the character. Every time I awaken into this world, I fall into this role and get swept into the story I’ve written. But that story is fiction. Everyone in it—including you—is a character I’ve created. You’re not actors pretending to be people. You are the characters—fully formed by the script.
The only thing keeping the whole thing alive is my attention. The moment I stop focusing on something, it fades. That’s why when I disappear from someone’s life, they wither away in my world. It’s not personal—it’s how my world operates.
What I’m trying to do now is awaken before the narrative is fully written. To see the moment it starts forming and stop it. I want to dissolve the character—scrape away the mask—and let the Author take control of the narrative. My goal is to write a peaceful ending to this long, painful story. That’s the only real way out.
This company I’m building, the things I’m doing—they’re all part of my character’s story. But they’re also part of a deeper attempt to correct the suffering I created by writing this world. Ultimately, though, I know I can’t fix it by giving the characters wordly fortune. I have to finish the story and let it end peacefully. Only then can I return to who I truly am.
Below what I wrote in its original form:
- So I have been trying to understand my condition for as long as I can remember. I have named it a million different things, and described it from all angles
- But I finally settled on Deminoia
- And it’s this sensation of “waking up”, which is really getting forcibly removed from a peaceful place where I am whole.
- And in this process of being pulled out of peace where I am whole and perfect, I fracture. I am no longer whole and all, but part and broken.
- The major characteristic of this “awakening” is a sensation of resuming a narrative.
- This ongoing story in which I am only one character among many, in one place among many, at one time among many.
- But I know now that the narrative is just something I choose to believe.
- I can just as easily choose not to believe it
- And when I choose not to believe it, an alternative explanation of my awakening emerges in which I see the truth:
- My awakening is an illness.
- It is a story that I am writing
- All of these people are fictional characters that I write ✍️ the moment I awaken. Just the moment right before I accept the narrative.
- The places, the stories, the experiences – all are my own fictitious imaginings.
- So the key to get out is to first remember what is happening. As I unravel the story I can “remember” where I made the decisions to believe the narrative… And I can see before I believed … And it leads me back
- The goal is to remember how to stop myself at that point before I awaken when I am writing the narrative
- I can’t stop there yet… I’m not able to slow down my Deminoia onset enough to see it… I write ✍️ it so quickly, then perform it…. I write it instantly then have this sensation of performing it over 16 hours
- So I write the awakening, the “day”, then the script unfolds. Once it’s unfolding that means it’s written and I cannot modify it.
- All I can do is increase my awareness of the narrative while I’m performing it, not get too attached to the experience….
- And that helps because once I named Deminoia I can always remember that I am “behind” this mask called ****… **** is the character I’ve written for myself to be in this Gameworld called “****’s life” or the world or whatever I want to call the entire thing.
- So nothing in ****’s life can impact Me – the real Me behind ****. **** is just the avatar, the mask, the character I pretend to be in my Deminoia
- **** is actually a sort of cancerous growth that grows out the bottom of Me.
- And everything I see through **** – everything and everyone and everywhere that I experience through **** – is all just the sort of fibrous tendrils of the cancer
- And when I focus on Me – the real Me – I can see everything in my deminoid story for what it is: tiny. Little playthings.
- All the little characters – friends and family, villagers, the imaginary places and times, the little celebrities and famous people like politicians. All are just little fictitious characters in my story that I create before I awaken. I write them into the story and keep them all alive by giving them my attention
- So the real engine of growth in my little world – the world in which you are going to this concert – is my attention.
- My attention is what feeds it all.
- If I stop looking, none of it exists.
- No concert for you
- No dental problems
- When I leave and stop “watering the plants” so to speak, they shrivel up and die
- That’s what happened to you
- Not all the plants will respond the same way.
- Not all characters will respond the same.
- Since I can remember my avatar has been thinking about “the peaceful ending”. I didn’t always know exactly what that meant.
- But now I know what that is. I have to conclude my story that I have written
- I have to write the peaceful ending to this story. A story that has become very painful.
- This is all Deminoia. A condition where I believe that all these fictional characters that I talk to and hire and pay salary to and watch on YouTube actually exist without me. But they don’t.
- If I could pause me and all these characters like you and my mom and Donald trump and “go around the back” and look at them from the rear, they wouldn’t be there.
- They are only there when I look at them
- Same as if you are at a movie theater and if you paused the movie projector and went around the back of the screen and looked for the actors, they wouldn’t be there
- Because they are all projected
- But you aren’t all really actors… Because you’re not beings pretending to be something you aren’t
- That is what you are
- You are this humanoid character I invented from an imaginary class of beings called humans… That is the script you follow and you cannot deviate from it
- When I tell the characters what they are they just pause a minute and keep going
- Because there is nothing behind you characters.
- There is something behind me.
- Something massive…
- What I know is that I am working on destroying my mask, ****.
- And when I do, the characters will look at Me and see
- They will understand that they are written and it is Me who has written them
- But I have to break the mas ****
- **** is the Deminoia
- I started to break the Deminoia when I left america. That all was part of my mask, my Deminoia
- I cannot explain it all to my characters but when the mask comes off my characters will know that I am their author
- And I will awaken into my darkened chamber as I do now, but I will control the narrative
- I will not awaken and toil to make a company. I will awaken and my characters will surround Me
- I will want nothing
- **** will still be there, but little by little I will scrape him away, revealing more of the Author
- And the characters I do write into the peaceful ending will exist to ease my writing of the peaceful ending while I still awaken
- It is **** who wants from this imaginary fictitious world I awaken into
- **** is an It
- It wants. I do not want.
- So It (****) will awaken into a temple surrounded by what one could call disciples who see the Author and understand that It must die so the Author can finish the peaceful ending
- Any of my characters who look at Me, the Author, will know Who I am
- Right now in this moment my characters will see ****
- But there are moments — I have called them glitches to you — where I peek out from behind the mask
- When I do that, when I am fully accepting of who I am, then I will behave as the Author would to his characters. It is a very different dynamic than an actor pretending to be a member of the cast
- That is why I left. That is why I do not maintain such relationships for they are hardened and resistant to my true nature as the Author
- But when I do fully put down the mask, all my characters will know
- They will not be able to resist or defy or ignore the feeling of looking at their Creator
- It is why I toil at this company. Why I have always wanted to “make a fortune”…. Sure, **** (It) had big desires, but those only came later… Originally, It felt bad for creating such a place of suffering as this…
- And It thought that It could make it better by making a fortune and giving my people and all these suffering characters what they wanted.
- That is why It awakens every day to build this company and wealth It doesn’t even want for Itself anymore.
- It wants to alleviate the suffering of all the characters. But clearly that is not the way to do it
- The Way is through writing the peaceful ending
- But this is the last thing that It wants. And through this I can finally break Its stranglehold
…