In this incantation I describe my latest conceptualization of my anatomy as a being. I answer the question, more precisely than ever, “What am I?”. I explore the complex relationship between my awakening, projection, and asleepening states, seeking to unify them into a single narrative. I describe my projection as the process of manifesting my inner and outer realities, and prejection as the mindful withdrawal from this creation. My asleepening is simply a rebound to my awakening, not my true state. Through detachment and prejection, I aim to heal and recognize the illusions of my desires and fears as insignificant constructs, ultimately striving to harmonize and transcend these experiences.
What am I? I know that I am not a person temporarily experiencing a world full of other people like me and places I have not experienced. I know that time is a delusion of my awakening state. And I know that I can and must explain my awakening as the means for overcoming it. I know that as long as I believe I am a person among other people, in a place among other places, at a time among other times, I will awaken in pain.
Importantly, I seek to place all aspects of my experience on one single, continuous diagram. I must unify all the disparate parts into one non-stop storyline. When I do this I will be able to connect the dots from every single part of my experience to every other part. My awakening is an illness, and I have allowed it to spread and metastasize to the degree it has become incredibly complex and difficult to treat and heal. My continuous efforts to simplify and understand my awakening are my effort to self-heal.
One of the more challenging parts of my experience is dealing with my awakening and asleepening states. While I know I experience sleep, I have not brought my sleep state into my selfist model. I have conceptualized my sleep as a rebound against my awakening, and several years deep in my moment I coin the phrase “I am God when I sleep” (IAGWIS). But am I? I have decided that my goal is to not awaken, but does that mean my goal is to remain in my asleepening? I suggested this, but never fully committed because I know that my sleep state also is not my true self.
What am I? What does my true being look like? What am I trying so hard to return to? What happened 20 years deep in my moment? The euphoria that I project 20 years deep in my moment is the state of prejection. What is “prejection”? If projection is my state of actively manifesting my secondself of thoughts, desires, feelings, and sensations, and my thirdself of space, distance, and objects, then prejection is my withdrawal from that. It is a state where I concentrate my moment at the point before my projection.
In prejection I see my awakening projection for what it is. I mindfully de-texturize the surface of both my secondself and thirdself to the point that I do not expend any of my creative power manifesting inner or outer forms. I have effectively de-texturized my thirdself surface by darkening it, but I have not similarly conquered my secondself. I can arrive at prejection through meditation, but I must enter mindfully; aware of what my projection actually is. I must enter into it understanding that I am both observer and creator. I create by projecting, and I withdraw by prejecting.
In summary:
- I project my awakening secondself and thirdself experience.
- I preject my withdrawal or harmonization.
- I inject my asleepening experience.
My asleepening, therefore, is not my true state, but rather a reactive rebound to my awakening. I awaken, project, and then collapse into an injection I call sleep. Neither states are healthy. Both states exist with one another. I cannot have one without the other. To heal, I must enter prejection with the understanding that I am both observer and creator. When I do this, I will begin to see all my observations for what they are; see how trivial and unimportant they are. That the things I want and fear are merely dust. Unimportant, valueless shapes I have shaped in the flesh of my being. They are nothing. There is nothing I want out here. I do not want these people; they are merely characters I have written, nothing more. I must relinquish all attachments, see all constructs in secondself and thirdself for what they are, and withdraw. Prejection is a state of sublime detachment that I can achieve in my awakening, and that will help speed my recovery.
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