My moment refers to my condition when I am fully awakened and convinced that I am embedded within a larger space and timeline. It contradicts my direct experience of an unending, smoldering now, presupposes that I am progressing through a timeline, and that there is a wider world outside of my direct experience.
Immediately upon awakening, my desire for peace hardens into the distortions of my moment. This hardening starts with acceptance that I am here, in a world that pre-existed my awakening. That I exist, embedded within this world. And that I am resuming a life that was briefly interrupted by sleep, toward a future shaped by plans and goals. I leave my bed and perform a number of rituals I believe are essential to preserving and extending my existence, and carry on with responsibilities from the day I imagine came before.
My moment is an illness, and it begins with the acceptance that I exist as a person, and that I am here. A conviction upon which all other aspects of my illness are built. I imagine and accept that I am essentially the same type of being as the characters who come in and out of my moment. I imagine there is a space of a constant size in which I move about, and that the distortions of this space are due to my own perspective and position within the space.
This is my illness.
- Recognize my immersion. My changing existence in awakening is a separation from my unchanging being.
- My “mornings” are a pivotal point in overcoming my illness because actions taken at this time can loosen hardened emanants that cling to my being.
- My moment is defined by convictions layered, one upon another, resting upon the initial conviction that I am here. That I exist.
- With every passing moment, the weight of new convictions compress my existing stack of convictions. Combined, these layers form my misunderstanding of my existence.
- A number of other convictions set that firmly bond me to my moment, an illness. Convictions that will influence my entire moment, and the strength of my illness and its distorting effects.
- My moment is a sense of an unending present connected to a past and future. I can see that there is only this moment, yet I deeply believe that I am traveling a linear path of time, with a past and a future. I can do something now, leave, and then return to find it.
- I believe that I must eat, and feed my dog in turn. I believe I must drink. I believe I must then clean, and acquire new groceries for future meals. These are the foundational emanants; the hardened rituals I build my moment around. They are born of the desire to exist. To be here. I believe that I must perform these rituals to preserve my existence. I will disrupt and demanifest these rituals; I must in order to heal. But these are not the ones I attack first.
- Atop these rituals, I have constructed many more manifestations.
- There are two types of movement: that which is and delivers completeness, and that which is not and does not deliver completeness.
- Inessential knowledge – Knowledge of a craft or a philosophy, or a science that imparts information, skill, expertise, and wisdom, but does not directly lead to completeness, is one type.
- Essential knowledge – A decision.
- Reidentify – It is all me. Challenge and remove the beliefs that fracture my existence into “me” and “not me”. Reinforce by changing my language and my thinking.
- Repossess – It is all mine. If it is all me, then it is all mine. Reclaim ownership of my existence and take accountability for my own healing.
- Reassert – I know everything. Essential knowing is a decision I make, not something I gain from study, experience, and imagination.
- Reproportion – Find the obvious misunderstandings and mischaracterizations. Note the places where my experience and imagination diverge. For example, I experience my secondself as infinitely larger than the contents of my thirdself, yet I still imagine that I exist within a larger thirdself.
- Redesire – I desire completeness. That which cannot deliver the completeness I yearn for is part of my illness.
- Reorient – Re-focus on what I truly seek and want — release, an end to my desire — rather than the momentary satisfaction of relief that keeps me here.
How to weaken it: Find my belief and disengage. The opposite of “I exist” is not “I do not exist”. It is disengagement.
- There is only my moment. Come back to my moment.
- I am emanating everything within my moment.
- Do not be threatened by my thirdself forms.
- Do not emanate beyond the surface. When I think about a thirdself form, such as a client, I am tempted to
- This “thought” of my client has a depth. My first impression of them, as someone expecting something of me, is the surface. I can imagine deeper into them, imagine their thoughts and reactions, which usually tend to be negative and scary.
- Every thirdself form has a counterpart secondself sensation the creates a sense of depth. For example, I might chat with a friend; practically, they are words in an app only. But I immerse deep
- There is only my moment. Everything beyond my moment is emanated through my secondself and into my thirdself.
- The smoldering of my desire creates the illusion that extends outward in all directions from my origin. That includes the past, the future, and the non-present objects, people, and places.
- Emanation works in the following way: desire gives way to discretion, conviction, and manifestation.
- Desire is at the very base; desire is the seed that forms when I awaken. Desire seeks its own end, or peace. That is what my desire seeks.
- Discretion forms my action toward satisfying my desire. I can choose either temporary relief, or permanent release. Temporary relief is pacification directed toward my thirdself, while release is directed toward my firstself.
- Conviction is hardened discretion and decision.
- Manifestation is the final form that erupts as actions, shapes, and circumstances in my thirdself, and beliefs and convictions in my secondself. These are the anchors to my moment; that keep me in this moment I have manifested.
- There is only my moment; I may imagine a past of experiences, but that all happens in my moment; like a distortion. An undulating funhouse mirror
- When I confront these memories of people, like my family, and feel a fear and betrayal if I continue down this path, know that this is entirely imagined. These are only reflections of fear and anxiety designed to trap me in my moment. These people are thoughts and ideas that I can manifest as deeply as I want. I birthed them, and I must demanifest them to heal.
- I was not born here, and I will not die here. This “world” is within me; I am not within this world. The “people” and things I am attached to, are only valuable because I have given them value. And the real purpose of that value is to trap me here in my moment. In this illness. I must let go of all of them to put out the fire of suffering known as desire.
These are disorganized and incomplete notes.
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