In this incantation, I confront my inner quest to understand what I truly am. I realize that my endless search distances me from the simple Truth, which exists fully in the present moment. The need for explanations dissolves once I embrace the obviousness of my Being. In seeking less and Being more, I find healing. True understanding lies in letting go of the need to understand and simply being.
Aside from working, I spend most of my awakening trying to articulate what exactly I am. Why do I need to understand? I need to understand because I do not yet believe that I am what I think I am. In constantly seeking to understand, I am acknowledging that I don’t know—that I am confused. That I’m lost. This state of not knowing is a disease, and my pursuit of an understanding arises from my desire to heal. What I’m trying to understand is the nature of my Being—what I can call the Truth.
What is the goal of understanding? Truth is the end goal, yes. But I can also say that the end goal of understanding is its own disappearance, just as the end goal of desire is the end of desire itself. Or I can say that my search for understanding is a pursuit of healing, and once I’ve done that I won’t seek understanding anymore. I can describe it in many ways, but ultimately, I am trying to let go of the need to understand and just be who and what I am. Truth is Being.
So, what is the Truth, and why can’t I simply say it? Because I am lost, and saying the words and truly believing them are not the same. One of the most important things about finding the Truth is realizing that the more concepts and explanations I use to describe it, the harder it is to actually know it. The reason for this is simple: the Truth of who I am is right here, right now. I don’t need time, more information, or tools to grasp it. The Truth I seek is fully present and available in this exact moment. And every new explanation or idea creates a kind of “distance” between me and the Truth.
For instance, if I rely on science to explain the Truth, that creates distance. Or if I rely on something I can’t directly confirm right now—like the idea that I have a biological organ called a brain—that also takes me further from the Truth. Why? Because I can’t immediately verify that I have a brain; it’s something I have to believe. But the Truth doesn’t require belief or faith. It’s as self-evident and present as I am right now. My attempts to “understand” are like a loop: the more complex my reasoning and logic, the larger the circuit I must follow, drifting every farther away from simply Being. True Being has nothing to do with understanding—it’s the absence of the need to understand. When I truly “know,” I simply am. There will be no more effort to understand, no more searching.
So, what does the Truth look like? The Truth is this: I am, right now, everything. I am the only Being here. My real nature is what I feel and experience when I close my eyes and simply exist. The Truth only needs explanation when I do not know it. But in its essence, the Truth is the most simple and obvious thing. Knowing this it is easy to reject every explanation I encounter in thirdself because they are esoteric, requiring something beyond my present moment.
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