The narrowing of my mind. My mind, or my secondself, was one so undisciplined that it was constantly searching for an outlet. Every manner of creativity in my thirdself excited thoughts and ideas in my secondself. I would watch a video, it would excite some ideas, and then I’d pour my energy into writing them down, pursuing them until I found some other titillating topic to pursue.
Once I understand that it is release I seek, and not relief, then my secondself has already started narrowing.
… In demiself i accept that there is always more to know. I am obsessed with things i do not know. What happens if i do not eat? What happens if i do not get the contract? What happened in history? What is and is not happening? This is a core feature of demiself.
In triself, I do not think this way. I do not wonder if I have cancer or what is happening in other imaginary places. I do not imagine a past or a future. I do not worry about anything. I am all there is. The horizons of existence represent the totality of existence. Nothing exists behind the walls and horizons i see now in my moment.
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