Desire is the fundamental mechanism of my life. If I am idle, it is desire that compels me to move, shift, change, act, behave, or aspire. Ascentism is the condition of continuous change and movement in search of something, without ever finding it.
Descentism is the rediscovery of my first and last desire, and withdrawal from all lesser desires that keep me trapped in this painful cycle. Through descent, I purposefully self-abolish over many awakenings to return to the place where I am God.
I cannot descend until I remember and restore my first and last desire. Upon awakening, my first desire is to remain at sleep. And at the end of my awakening my last desire is to sleep. By ignoring my first desire I must suffer through an awakening spent fruitlessly searching for the one thing I will never find out here: peace.
My desire to remain in sleep is the last, self-preserving effort of my infinite self of peace. When I ignore my first desire to remain where I am at peace, my infinite self of peace shatters into a million different desires, which I go on to experience as my waking, conscious life.
To descend, I must understand that my desire for peace is the only desire, and that all others are misunderstandings. The strength of my conviction is what loosens and eventually dislodges the anchors which perpetuate these awakenings.
I experience my descent in two ways:
- Disengagement. I willingly and earnestly withdraw from my familiar self by learning to let go of the things that bring me pain so I can remember what brings me peace.
- Detachment. I detach from my familiar self at the moment of awakening, enhancing my centeredness during my ascent.
As I descend, my worldly, ascentist desires unravel. With conviction and dedication, descent brings steady and reliable relief to my suffering. And as I reorient toward my first and last desire I experience waves of wellness as I finally anchor to something solid.
…