In this incantation I describe how I construct an abstraction in which I exist within a vast space filled with other people, places, and objects, despite my direct experience telling me that I am the only observer and creator of my reality. To maintain this belief, I dismiss my immediate experiences: that my mind is the only mind, that the space I perceive is the only space, and that only the present moment exists. I create and then believe the idea of a greater reality that transcends my perception, allowing outside perspectives from within my projection to influence my understanding. This abstraction keeps me tethered to an illusion of a broader existence, creating a tension between what I directly know and what I imagine. This belief in a greater perspective is a delusion that prevents me from healing from this awakening experience.
In the state where I believe I am a person experiencing personhood I construct and maintain an abstraction I exist within a vast, expansive space filled with other people, places, and objects. This space, I imagine, is far greater than the small environment I physically inhabit. Within this imagined expanse, I envision countless other experiencers, each perceiving their own part of this boundless space, each moving independently of one another.
To maintain this belief, I must dismiss a number of immediate, direct experiences:
- My direct experience that I am the only being like me. In every moment of my lived experience, I am the central observer, the only one who feels what I feel, who knows my thoughts intimately. I know my sensations, thoughts, and inner life in a way no one else can. Yet, I choose to believe in others like me—other observers existing independently, beyond my grasp but equally real.
- My direct experience that there is only the space I am currently aware of. My senses tell me that the space I perceive is all there is. I know my room, the street outside, the immediate world my body moves through. And yet, I entertain the notion of an infinitely larger space—one that stretches beyond the horizon of my perception, inhabited by others who experience it differently than I do.
- My direct experience that my mind is the only mind. In every moment, I am intimately aware of my own thoughts, feelings, and consciousness. Despite this, I choose to believe that other minds exist, each experiencing their own reality, with thoughts, emotions, and perceptions just as rich and complex as mine. These minds, though beyond my ability to directly perceive, are assumed to be as real and valid as my own, even though my direct experience tells me otherwise.
- My direct experience that there is only the present moment. Time is elusive in my direct experience. The present moment is all that exists for me, as everything before or after is memory or anticipation, embedded in a conceptual grid I create to make sense of my reality. Yet, I believe in a continuous flow of time, connecting me to past events and future possibilities, even though they are abstractions layered over my immediate now.
In accepting these beliefs, I open myself to the idea that there is a greater reality beyond what I can directly experience. This vast space, filled with others and unfolding over time, cannot be verified by my senses, yet I believe it exists. By doing so, I make room for interpretations from others—allowing their perspectives to shape my understanding of the world. I also leave open the possibility of an unseen force or entity that either perceives the entirety of this reality or has created it.
This inner abstraction, while comforting and expansive, is also the very delusion that keeps me tethered to my constructed view of existence. It is a belief system that allows me to move through life, but one that requires a constant rejection of my most potent and direct experiences. And so, I remain in this tension—caught between the immediacy of what I know and the vastness of what I imagine.
The Spatial Grid of Perception
My awakening mind constructs an abstract grid—a framework in which I place both myself and everything I perceive. This grid stretches beyond my senses, suggesting the existence of a larger, unseen reality that binds everything together. Within this imagined grid, I believe there are other beings, positioned at different distances from various objects and places, each with their own experiences. Their perspectives, I imagine, would be different from mine—perhaps clearer or more detailed based on their position relative to the object that is perceived. Yet, this belief in multiple vantage points is part of the abstraction I’ve created, not something real. It is the product of my mind’s attempt to give structure to a reality I refuse to grasp.
The Tension Between Perception and Reality
Because I accept the delusion that my perception is limited, I maintain a belief in a greater perspective—a perspective that sees things as they “truly are,” beyond the boundaries of my perceptual limitations. This imagined higher perspective is not mine, nor does it belong to the other beings I envision; instead, it represents a broader, more complete understanding that I can barely conceive. Here lies the tension: between the immediacy of my direct, lived experiences and the abstract reality my mind has constructed.
Even though I have never encountered this greater perspective directly, I behave as if it exists. The abstraction becomes more entrenched as I acknowledge that my view—what I see, and how I see it—cannot capture the full essence of the world around me. And yet, I continue to sustain the idea of a reality that transcends my own, knowing deep down that this is just another construct of my mind. This tension keeps me tethered to the abstraction, preventing me from fully awakening to the truth of my experience.
This is why I’ve always felt a discomfort when others appeal to a larger divine or universal perspective, rather than relying on their own faculties. In my moment of awareness, I know that no such larger perspective exists. It is merely the scaffolding of a belief that keeps me from escaping the abstraction I have built.
The Greater Perspective
The deeper I explore this abstraction, the more I understand that it is precisely this construct that keeps me tethered to the illusion of awakening. My belief in a greater perspective—a comforting delusion—creates the false sense of a reality beyond my immediate experience. The very act of imagining this vast reality full of other experiencers like me keeps me from fully awakening to the primacy of my direct experiences.
In truth, there is no larger perspective outside my own. It is this belief in an unattainable, objective reality that holds me here, in a perpetual tension between what I directly know and the abstract framework I have constructed around my imaginary personhood. And so, I remain bound to this inner abstraction, caught in the illusion of a reality that exists beyond me, even as I sense its absence in the present moment.
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