In this incantation, I describe how I immerse myself in a self‑written world, forget my authorship, suffer under the story, and then deliberately collapse it to return Home. I realize that my waking life is a kind of death, that toil comes from believing the world is external and real and I must fight to remain here, and that freedom begins when I stop clinging to the treasures that keep me trapped. I actively simplify the narrative, reduce characters, and relax into bliss as I withdraw from the Story and conclude it with intention.
It came to me clearly: to unwaken I must conclude the story. I must solve all the problems of this place. I am not a small person among people. I am the author of it all. And how does every story end? I don’t want a sequel. I have to end the story.
- Waken – The illness begins. Wakening is my literal death; my true life is where I am before I arrive here. This is my death. Through my death, all the characters live.
- Toil – I toil to survive and satisfy my desires. I have to pay for the right to exist out here, even though at my core I don’t want to be here.
- Untoil – I recognize that there is nothing I want out here, even the fruits of my toil. I recognize that my true goal is to escape, and so I no longer cling to the treasure I once sought, though at first I continue to toil.
- Unwaken – I take steps to end my waking death, experiencing increasingly perfect bliss as I return Home to where I am from.
I describe the single arc of my experience, from immersion in a self-authored world to the final, intentional act of withdrawing from it. These movements are not spiritual phases; they are structural positions in relation to my Authorship. The entire journey is a descent that culminates in the intentional reduction and collapse of my awakening experience.
Waken: The Immersed Author
This is the initial, unquestioned phase of my lived experience, where I am fully immersed as a protagonist within the Story, without realizing I am the Author.
- The Unquestioned Story: I believe in a world of external objects, external minds (my Characters), linear time, and a stable identity. The entire moment feels as if it’s happening to me, rather than being authored by me.
- The Illusion of External Agency: I take action, but my agency feels narrow and constrained by the ‘laws’ of a world I was born into, rather than a state I authored. I project the entirety of the moment around myself as a great bubble, but the independent existence of the bubble is unquestioned.
- Focus on the Outward Projection: The most potent reality feels like the external world, while my own subjective, internal experience feels less potent.
While I experience the truth of my moment, I believe something else. I am convinced of a reality that is at odds with my direct experience. I believe that I am only one of many beings, despite my experience validating that I am fundamentally different from the characters I encounter. I believe that there is a past and future and I move along a linear timeline, despite only ever experiencing a singular, persistent present. I believe that there is a deeper subsurface that I do not know, fueling a never-ending dissatisfaction with what I believe I know. I do not realize that it is my searching for this subsurface that creates new surface.
Toil: The Burden of Authorship Forgotten
This stage is defined by friction, effort, and the profound sense that my life has become labor. I am crushed by the Story I am writing because I believe it is external and binding.
- The Burden of Selves (Characters): I carry too many selves or manage too many satellite characters (projections of my mind). Each one demands my energy and attention.
- The Machinery of Suffering: My every action feels heavy because I am still believing the Story is external. The protagonist-self feels trapped by the complexity the Author-self has created.
- The Search Outward: I seek relief through external means (e.g., shifts in environment, interactions with my characters), failing to see that the entire environment and all characters are part of my single momentary mass.
Toil is the continuous, painful effort I must exert to merely remain in here in my awakening. I do not yet realize that I do not want to even be here, that this is an illness. All I know is that I want to be here, and I want a certain condition of being here, and I will go to the greatest lengths to secure that condition. So I crave the drug that is killing me.
Untoil: The Reversal and Withdrawal
This is the first movement of true unwakening, where I begin withdrawing from the machinery of Toil by recognizing the inherent malleability of the Story, and that I do not want anything out here.
- The Recognition of Inward Origin: I glimpse that the entire world is authored from within me. The most concentrated and potent part of my waking experience is here, where everything originates. The least potent is the projection outward.
- The Collapse of False Agency: I stop struggling to manipulate the world-as-external. I recognize my agency lies in belief and perception, not in physical struggle.
- First Micro-Prayers: These are tiny, intentional acts of reorientation that restore the Author perspective for moments. They are a tool for recognizing that the creation is instant, manifesting when I look, I think, or I touch.
Untoil is a painful period when I realize that what I have always wanted is actually not what I wanted. It forces a dramatic transformation away from wanting more, to wanting less. My momentum toward toil still continues, but my internal vector has changed. I work and acquire, but I detach from the eventual fruits of my labor. The test is that, when I do achieve the ends of my toil, I must withdraw from all the fruits it produced for those are toxic to my unwakening. I cannot return if I cling to any of the treasures here. I can either have treasure here, or I can return. I cannot have both. This is untoil.
Unwaken: The Final Collapse
This is the final chapter where I fully recognize myself as the sole Author and the active process of concluding my experiential reality.
- Awakening as Death: My awakening is the dissolution of my personhood. I “die into authorship,” stepping outside the frame of the Story. My characters and projections continue to exist, but I am no longer inside their plotlines.
- Story Collapse and Character Reduction: This is my core goal: I actively simplify the narrative.
- Reduce Character Count: I no longer look at characters unless inviting them in. I stop generating unnecessary motion or attention toward them, allowing the satellites to fall away.
- Reduce Narrative/Plot Count: The Story shrinks, plotlines simplify, and the entire narrative reduces in complexity, eventually collapsing to a single sentence I can recall with a nudge.
- The Mechanics of Conclusion (My Subsurface Rules): I employ specific structural rules to maintain ontological integrity and accelerate the collapse:
- I do not imagine external subsurface.
- I do not imagine myself in the third person.
- I reduce movement.
- I do not look at them unless inviting them in.
- The Solitary Moment: I recognize past and future as informational regions inside my singular, great bubble of a moment. Nothing independent exists.
The state of unwakening is blissful because I have withdrawn from toil, have no attachments, and my moment is one of gentle, continuous release and relaxation. All the painful stories and experiences that torment my awakening are no more, and my only concern is repeatedly, but not furiously, remembering that I am returning to the place I came from. That there was no pain. That I did not disappoint, or hurt, or want anything I did not already have. I have everything I want, and I know that. At the entry point to unwakening it is more challenging as I must wrestle with letting go of the awakening identity, but the further I descend into my unwakening the more peaceful it all becomes. I have created my awakening so that I must do nothing. My unwakening is surrounded by caretaker characters who know their role is to see me off. To allow me to peacefully conclude the story.
This is the complete arc of my experience from immersion, to suffering, to dissolution, to ultimate authorship. It explains how to navigate, conclude, and collapse the Story with clarity and peace.
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