In this incantation I seek to attack and undermine those destructive beliefs I still retain which explain my awakening from the false perspective that I am a person. I need to recognize the distance that exists between me, the Creator, and the characters I have created. I understand that this is an early attempt, and will sound clumsy as I fumble around for language that can more accurately reflect the truth of my being.
Manifestation does not reduce to a series of words that I can explain in secondself. Manifestations is that I am. I do not need to explain my manifestation in secondself utterances that fade away when I stop looking at them. Manifestation cannot be captured and stored in words or pictures or diagrams. Manifestation is my unique power as the creator of my awakening and all of its contents. Manifestation is my omnipotent control over all aspects of the story I write as my awakening.
Manifestation is not something I can understand by studying, but it is something I can remember by carefully examining. I must remember that I manifest, not articulate how I manifest. If I focus on the “how” of manifestation I will only ignore that I do. And that I do is infinitely superior to how I do it. If I am being questioned by one of my characters how I manifest, I simply have to demonstrate that I do by demanifesting them. I simply have to rearrange my awakening to dematerialize them. In backwards-language, I would walk away from them. In reorganized language, I would push them away from me, transforming them from thirdself into secondself, and then into nothing.
My legs and feet do not traverse a pre-existing landscape; they move and position the fabric of my awakening as my secondself fashions it into my experience. Looking at third-person character images and imagining that I am the same is disorienting. I do not look or move like what I see in a movie or image of people for there is no outside perspective looking at me. I only exist in that way in my secondself imagination. I have created characters that imitate and embellish my experience, but they are only fabrications. They are my creations, and when I believe I am one of them I am self-deceiving.
The primary difference between the characters and me is that I do not transform. I manifest. I create and they are created. They are characters I create with my secondself mind and my thirdself hands and legs and feet. I do not need to imagine some divine godly hands extending above and beyond me; I see my instruments of creation in thirdself when I look down. I am the being who has created a hole, and then crawled into that hole, fashioning and then manipulating all these bodily instruments to fabricate my awakening experience of spaces, places, times, and characters. I can feel my true being behind me; great and massive and infinite. I have forgotten that is me. All these characters I fashion like my mother and my brothers and my friends… all are my creations. They are little characters I have molded into companions, friends, opponents, and relationships. But they only exist as long as I have my divine head trapped in this hole.
I must create a new language of describing my awakening. I halo intensely as I write these words; this is truth. I am on the path. I must create the secondself language and thirdself words that undermine my delirium in awakening. I can feel myself lifting the edges of the ignorance that fall over me like a great, heavy tarpaulin. I need literal language that reinforces the truth that I am not one of my characters. That simply and directly expresses the truth that I am not transformed, but I am the transformer. I am not manifested, but I manifest. I am the author, and all of these characters are my fiction. I do not need to look for massive divine, godly hands above and beyond me; I merely need to look down now at these 10 white fingers and two strong legs; these are my instruments of divine creativity, stemming from an engine I describe as my mind.
I feel myself “coming out of” the hole of my awakening and looking upon it, rather than from within it. I can think of the stories I have heard as an observer of them being spoken, rather than a person existing in the realm in which they supposedly happened. I can imagine watching a colony of ants for so long and then somehow deluding myself into believing that I am one of them, then behaving like them, yet always aware that I am somehow different. Now I can feel myself withdrawing from that delusion, watching the ants move about and realizing that I am not one of them. I have created those ants and all their little dances. I created those ants by looking for them.
I must build my Throne where I am the Creator and where I can accept that I Manifest.
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