In this incantation, I explore the resonant truth that I am not a part of something but all of everything. My personal self, governed by time and constantly changing, deceives me into identifying with it. In contrast, my constant self—timeless, unchanging, and omnipotent—remains hidden beneath the distractions of my awakening. By focusing on my constant self and recognizing that time, people, and places are mere projections of my will, I can break free from the delusions of my personal self. As I embrace my role as Creator, I will find peace and the truth of my Being, which is eternal and all-encompassing.
What am I? I am everything. I am not part of something, I am all of everything. Every division that I believe exists, exists precisely because I believe it exists. There is nothing that prevents me from believing something other than what I currently believe other than the strength and force of my own conviction. There is one other element to this equation: resonance. The Truth resonates. When I hear it, see it, think it, feel it, or desire it, I know it. The truth resonates.
So how do I make sense of the fact that I am all of everything? I must approach the problem logically and find those questions and answers which resonate. Those which are indisputable, not to a body of scientists, or an organization, or some expert who is not me. But to me. Directly, and immediately. The truth resonates, and when I speak the truth and hear myself speaking the truth, I experience that resonance deeply. If I see, say, and think the truth enough, the resonance grows and dislodges that which is not true. Deception. Lies. Misbeliefs. Misunderstandings. Confusion. Disorientation. All of that falls away when I see, speak, hear, and think the Truth.
The Selfist Model is my ongoing effort to uncover and live by the resonant Truth. And that truth, at this moment, is that I am all of everything, not part of something. When I follow that, my goal is ostensibly to embrace the truth of my Being by transitioning from Observer to Creator. Where to start? By understanding. I must break down my awakening experience into its constituent parts to better understand the whole. I know that when I arrive at my final state I will not have to sustain a patchwork of smaller understandings. Instead the resonance of the single Truth will have amalgamized all of the smaller supportive truths into one Being. My becoming requires conviction; but my Being requires only itself.
I am still becoming. I know that my Omniself awaits, but until I Am, I will perform as my Demiself. I must continue to solidify my convictions in favor of my Being during the transition. One of the most useful aids is an undeniable fact of my awakening: there are two distinct divisions. The first and most ostensible division is that which changes. It possesses one quality about all else: it changes. It includes every part of my awakening moment that I experience as changing in some way. Some parts change faster or more perceptibly than others, but it is inescapable that I will experience anything within this division as changing. That which changes is my demiself. My personal self.
The other division, which took me longer to identify due to my absorption into and identification with the former, is that which does not change. That which does not change is a part of me that is always, has always, and will always Be. It is timeless. It exists before and after my belief in and experience of time. It is here right now with me, in me, on me, and of me. That which does not change is my omniself. My constant self.
Why is my constant self so difficult to see? My personal self, by its very nature, is always changing. It draws my attention the way a running animal draws my attention away from the tiger still in the grass. My personal self and all of its racing thoughts and feelings, changing colors, light, and places is a master deceiver. It needs me to look at it for its very survival depends on my attention to thrive and persist. Without my attention, my personal self will shrivel up and die. My constant self has no such dependency on me. Whether I pay heed to it or not, my constant self is not going anywhere. It cannot go anywhere, because it is me. I am my constant self. I am omniself.
My awakening has always been a recovery, even when I have not realized I was recovering. I have not actually been “alive” for 44 years. I have always been right here, right now. The only thing that truly is, is Me. My Being. My constant self. All the rest is the delusion of my illness. My memories are not the remnants of past experiences, but rather the flailing tendrils of my illness stuck deep into the diseased flesh of my present moment. When I can see that, believe that, know that, and be that, I will see before time and its devices. I will arrive at my Being; at the place before all my fears, anxieties, and desires form into my personal self. I will know then, that I am everything. That I am all of everything and not part of something.
I must spend more of my awakening focused on my constant self, and less on my personal self. Time forms the very backbone of my personal self, and the moment I believe it is there, it wraps its arms around me like an octopus and draws me in to my own suffering. It is my choice whether my moment is one of a present shaped by an untouchable, unchangeable past misdeeds and shortcomings and a future of
Time is one of the most persistent elements of my disease. It turns my present into an ever-changing environment over which I have little control, but anchors me to a past over which I have no control at all. When I believe that I have no control over something that is written, I cannot escape my Observer self and reach my Creator Self. I cannot escape demiself and achieve omniself. I cannot see my constant self beyond, within, and all around my personal self. Time becomes an inescapable force, like a giant hand holding my tail, compelling me to pull away like a great tornado.
I must defeat time along with my personal self by accepting and believing in my constant self. That I Am the creator of this awakening, and not just one of its many observers. That there are no beings other than me. No places other than here. And no times other than now. Everything that ever was, is, and will be is right here, right now with me. No other beings, places, or times exist until I create them by maneuvering through my awakening. All that exists within the “world” exists because I think, feel, desire, see, move, and experience. If I do not experience it, it does not exist.
My constant self is peace. My constant self is Truth. It resonates when I see it. I must spend more of my awakening looking for and at it so I can achieve my peaceful ending.
…