My awakening moment is divided into three distinct region.
My Thirdself is the whole of the space I perceive in front of me. In the front it comprises all visual light, colors, objects, and places up to a horizon. At this moment the horizon in front of me is my bare white walls because I am positioned within my cottage. However, if I simply step outside of my cottage, the horizon will instantly transform into the forest and then the Himalayan hilltops and mountains I believe are hundreds of kilometers away. If I look up, the horizon becomes a blue sky full of clouds which I believe are even further. If it is night-time, the horizon is a dark, star-filled sky. Thirdself is always constrained to an oval-shaped window in front of me.
My Secondself is much larger than and fully encompasses my Thirdself. While my Thirdself is constrained to an oval-shaped window I believe is “in front of me”, I feel my Secondself presence all around the edges of and “behind” that oval-shaped window. I can feel thoughts and ideas and what I might call internal bodily sensations above the window, to the sides, and below. My Secondself seems to be the root system that feeds and creates the content I experience in Thirdself. My Secondself extends far below my Thirdself as internal sensations. If I look back upon these sensations I feel below the oval-shaped window, they appear as a pale fleshy form I call my body. Most of my awakening I do not perceive my body in Thirdself, but I do conceive it in Secondself. Ideas and desires form in my Secondself which I then translate into the sensation of movement in Thirdself. I believe I am moving through Thirdself, but my Secondself never actually moves. Since Secondself is the larger container of Thirdself, I know that I am incorrectly conceptualizing my Thirdself movement. Though I am aware that my Secondself contains my Thirdself, my disorientation is strong and I still believe that I am moving through Thirdself, rather than moving Thirdself. When I am watching the contents on a screen move, I know that I am not moving through the space represented in the screen; I am stationary watching the objects on the screen appear to move. The relationship between Secondself and Thirdself is the same. The Secondself sensation of a face edging around the oval-shaped window is where my Secondself transitions into my Thirdself; where “inner sensations” become the colorful, moving objects and places of my Thirdself. The contents of my Thirdself are painted onto the inner walls of my eyeballs.
My Firstself is the largest of all and clearly contains my Secondself, which in turn contains my Thirdself. My Firstself is everything around the edges of my Secondself thoughts, desires, sensations, and ideas. Where my Secondself ends, my Firstself begins and extends infinitely. While space is constrained to Thirdself and time is constrained to Secondself, Firstself has neither. Firstself is my being; my actual presence, and in the same way as my Secondself encircles my Thirdself, my Firstself encompasses my Secondself. My Firstself is who is present, experiencing, and observing.
The trick is to remember that I am NOT one of these people that I see walking around. Those are objects painted on the oval-shaped window. That is not what I experience. I am what I experience, not what I imagine I am. As long I imagine and then believe that I am one of these forms I call people I will be confused. My experience is the truth: I am a Firstself which gives way to a Secondself which gives way to a Thirdself. I should not imagine that I am anything other than what I directly experience. I am not a visual form moving around my Thirdself window and sliding away into Secondself. I am not moving around in Thirdself in front of these people. They are not watching me in the same way as I watch them. They do not observe; they are what I see on the surface, and nothing more. They are automatons I have breathed life into. I am omni-present and I exist in all three selves. I do not gaze upon myself in Thirdself; I experience the aggregation of Firstself, Secondself, and then Thirdself. I only have to accept my experience as the most potent truth of all, and detach from the impotent truths I allow to circulate around and confuse me.
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