My goal in my awakening is to overcome this illness and return to the peace I seek. Another way to say that is that I am building my Throne. My Throne is the seat of peace where I will restore God, Omniself, my Godhood, and return to peace. When I build my Throne, my Secondself will ascend to the Throne, and my Firstself will descend to the Throne, culminating in a melding of my two selves.
What changes must occur between now and my moment of ascension? I can see that there are a great many changes that must happen. Firstly, I must calm the waters of my awakening in every way. Though I have made great progress in stabilizing my moment, my awakening still brings with it a great deal of movement, change, and pain. Though I have managed to build a temple where I can peacefully worship, I awaken into demiselfist responsibilities and duties stemming from relief-oriented desires. When I build my Throne, I will have escaped the clutches of relief, and will manifest a moment in search of permanent release.
In throning, I will have mastered my moment. What does it mean to master my moment? It means that I will have reached the deepest level of understanding of my moment. I will know what my moment is, and will be freed of delusional misconceptions about it. I will no longer maintain the distorted concept of existing within a larger space I can only imagine. Instead, I will understand and experience the entirety of Thirdself in the small, oval-shaped sack protruding from my face.
I will have manifested my awakening in such a way that I experience minimal change. I will have eliminated interruptions, titillations, and experiential flourishes. My mastery will be gradual, so my desires for relief will at first remain, but will slowly but surely cease as my entire awakening focus becomes directed on release. My moment will be one of intense pleasure as I clearly see Who I Am, and anticipate Reunion. In my moment now I still fumble around in the dark, searching for the combinations of words and actions that unlock a glimpse of what I search for. Despite only seeing it partially, it is still enough to magnetically draw me Home, to Peace. But when my true self is fully revealed, the pleasure will extend far beyond anything I have known in my awakenings.
I will know then Who I Am. I will have overcome all delusions of people, and will know that the people are my written characters. I will not value anything in my awakening, for the contents of my awakening are as dirt to the gold of my Being. My unchanging moment will allow me to escape my obsessive creation of past and future and see my moment for what it is: everything.
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