In this incantation, I describe a profound vision, triggered by the simple act of looking up while in darkness. Through this inner experience, I encounter an angelic presence and a vast, peaceful expanse, revealing that what I seek lies above me, in a higher realm beyond my current state. This reflection solidifies the realization that my true self is “up”—a place of higher understanding, detached from the distractions and confines of my present reality.
Look up! As I sat there cross-legged in my bed, I had the strongest suggestion to just look up. My eyes were closed, and my room was completely dark. I could not see my hand in front of my face. It was left to my mind and what’s before my mind to decide if there was, in fact, anything above me. I looked up, and I saw an angel above me. It was a great light show, starting with the floating angel, almost like a jellyfish. It reminded me of a beautiful angel descending from heaven, hair and robes flowing as if underwater. That gave way to a great expansive space, pricked by tiny points of light, almost like the evening sky, but not quite. There were no colors in the sense of lights I would see with my eyes open; they were non-visual, but entirely experiential. They were more like patterns. They were beliefs. I believed they were there, and so they were. And with this great show came great peace. I did not allow it to descend over me as, but I knew that I could. Instead, I processed what I was seeing and decided that I had long missed something important. What I look for is above me; that is my “real body”, and this part that I occupy in my awakening is a painful prison I have fallen into. I need to go up.
Reflecting upon myself, I felt my head appearing uncomfortably tilted backward, cradled upon the top of my back, my eyes wide as saucers, fixed on some point above. I imagined the scene should another being happen upon my temple, with me inside praying. What am I looking at? I mused on the horror of it, and imagined it becoming an iconic horror scene in an American movie.
The next morning I realized that “up” is where the real me is. I even realized that no matter which way I bend, tilt, or face, my “thoughts” remain fixed in the same place “above” me. I have many impressions deep in my moment of Jesus looking up in prayer. Heaven is up. Why is everything up? That sense of heaven being up is deep within my moment… it is me telling myself to look up. What I seek is up. It is not forward among the characters I have created, and it certainly isn’t down in the screens that steal my moment. I am up. Look up. I am up.
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