I must believe

To be able to look at that which does not change for long, I must dispel the delusions I maintain. For once I begin to remember the delusions, I question what I am seeing, and I look away. For example, I am not a person among other people. But if I look at a familiar face and believe that we are two people with a relationship, I will no longer be able to look at that which does not change because they contradict one another and I will have to choose one.

That which does not change clearly reveals that I am all there is. That I am alone in my being-ness, and that there are no others like me, because I am all there is. But if I believe that these fleshy shapes floating around in my awakening are similar and equivalent to me, then I can no longer believe that I am the only being.

Once I see the people as they are, I will not want anything from them that for they would not have anything that I need. What does the author want from the characters he writes in his stories? It can only be described as a horrible state of delusion for the author to believe he is actually one of the characters moving about in the story he himself wrote.

I write:

  • Me and all experience I create
  • There is no “you” that exists outside of my moment
  • I am not yet certain how I will convey that to my creations
  • but once i do, my creations will know that they exist only in my moment
  • Once I see the people as they are, I will not want anything from them that for they would not have anything that I need. What does the author want from the characters he writes in his stories?
  • What does Mark Twain want from Huckleberry Finn in his written stories?
  • Nothing. Because he is their author, their creator. They only exist in his imagination.
  • They cannot give him anything he could possibly want.
  • It would be delusional for the author to believe he is a character in the book he has written himself.
  • My awakening is my book that I wrote.
  • Every single thing within my awakening, I precede.
  • If I am not there, then it does not happen.
  • That is precisely which does not change: Me.
  • I am the constant.
  • Not the Me that extends into the grotesque Secondself and Thirdself.
  • The Me that precedes Secondself and Thirdself, Firstself.
  • Secondself and Thirdself are itchy, scratchy, painful blisters.
  • There is a great big, massive, infinite body beyond the itchy scratchy blisters of my secondself and thirdself.
  • And when I come back to my larger body, I can see that this painful part is merely a wound I must treat.
  • a wound that I have allowed to fester into all this pain