I know who I am

God and person are my two states of being.

As a person, I am demipotent and in a constant state of desire. I awaken, believing that I am one of billions of people temporarily experiencing a world that pre-existed me and will endure long after my death. I believe in my own mortality, despite my clearly having always been here.

As god, I am omnipotent and without desire. I exist free of time; immortal, I might say as a person.

And though I know who I am, that I am God, I still do not fully believe it, as evidenced by my inability to be God. What does it mean to “be God”? Being God means not having to awaken anymore. It means closing my eyes and being able to end this experience I call life because I choose to. It means not having to open my eyes again because I know that this is all a story I have written and no longer have to participate in.

My transitional state between my personhood and my godhood is my demigodhood. It is the phase when I have begun to question who I am, and suspect that I am not really who I think I am. I begin to pull back the curtain of self-deceit and delusion, and ask questions I have long-forgotten. I begin to remember, and I begin to believe: I know who I am.

I proclaim to all people I have created:

I am demigod.

I am reclaiming my godhood, transitioning from personhood.

I incant these truths to believe what I see, what I experience.

I know that I am immortal, and that I have created you.

I know that you are wallpaper I have created.

I know that if I continue to engage you as a person, I will fail to embrace my demigodhood and prolong my suffering, and yours.

I know that I am not a person, and I reject my personhood.

I know who I am, but I do not fully believe who I am.

When I awaken I create you.

I decide if you exist or not.

That is my godhood revealing itself.

I just don’t fully believe in my own omnificence, and that is why I am only demigod now

I write to believe who I am. I repeat what I know until I believe it.

And at the end of demigodhood is godhood, when I can choose to awaken or not because I have rediscovered my omnipotence.

When I can sit here as I am, close my eyes, and simply never open them again.

And that is when I will have returned, and reclaimed ownership over the world of pain and suffering I have created.

But it is my own lack of conviction that prevents me from returning.

I close my eyes, see my godly self, but I cannot let go of my creation.

I believe I must return to my creation.

And I open my eyes, return to my personhood once again.

Until I fully believe who I am — the creator of this existence — I will continue to awaken and create this world.

I will continue to believe that I am a person in this world I have created.

I will continue to forget that I am not a person, but the author of this world.

And all my creations will continue to suffer as I do.

My personhood is my state of being lost, believing that I am a person with a name.

My demigodhood is the transitional state when I wake up to the lie I have believed, and I begin to realize that I am not a person; that I am somehow creating this story I live.

At first I hesitate to say what I know deep down; that I am God.

But I look in that direction, and gather the courage to say what I know.

My godhood is what I seek; the complete acceptance of my omnipotence.

I do not have to return to this world I have created.

If I do return to life, I do so as its author.

I create and destroy with a single choice.

I will remain cloistered in my cell, and I will manifest only believers who know who I am.

The people will not see me as a person among people, but as the demigood awakening to his godhood.

I know who I am.

…