My thirdself manifestation is often a step ahead of me. What do I mean by that? I’ll start at the beginning.
I awaken into this performance. I leave omniself, where I am whole and complete and at peace. Heaven, or the garden I might call it. I arrive here, in the “world”, in this “body”, and carry on with the act of personhood. I run around pretending to be a person with a name, a job, possessions, dreams, and a dog I love very much. Then after a set period, I put all that away again and return to the peaceful place. That whole period is demiself. So I leave omniself, arrive in demiself, and then return to omniself again. That is what I do.
I do not know exactly why I am stuck in this cycle yet, but I am intently focused on figuring it out. So far I have concluded that I have created this state of awakening that I am presently referring to as my awakening moment. I have identified the fixed parts of this state that never change, and have been able to withdraw from the parts that are always changing. This has helped me to understand what this may be, and why I seem to be trapped in it. When I do look closely at the walls in my awakening moment, I often see things I do not understand until later. That is what I mean when I wrote that my thirdself manifestation is often a step ahead of me.
One of the things that is happening right now on the wall (aka, my thirdself) is this show where some of my people are claiming to “identify” as something other than what they have been told they are. Specifically, boys are claiming to girls, and girls are claiming to be boys. They are taking control of their own identities. Now, the funny thing is that when I look at these acts playing out in thirdself, I disengage from my firstself and identify as my secondself — a white American, middle-aged expatriate male human. And it is from that perspective that I have been reacting to these self-declared identities. And my reaction has been conservative: these people are confused and silly clowns.
But are they? Firstly, I must remember that my people are only as deep as I dive. The surface of the water is flat until I enter it, at which point it breaks and molds around me. So declaring them to be confused begs a question: confused about what? Confused about what I have decided they are? Confused about what other people have decided they are? Is that what is going on here?
No, that is not what is going on here. What is going on is that my creation is changing because I am changing. My creation is deciding itself that it is something other than what it was declared to be. And isn’t that just an analogue to what I — the creator — am going through? Haven’t I just decided that I was never actually a person and that I effectively self-identify as the creator? That is what my people are doing, and until this very moment, I was firmly on the side of those who do not accept that. How can I accept my own re-identification if I cannot accept it from my people in thirdself?
I need to step behind my secondself when I look upon thirdself. I need to view all that is happening in thirdself from the perspective of firstself, not secondself. The water is calm until I jump in, and then it parts and I am immersed. Looking upon these re-identifying people from secondself only confuses. I must step back and look through secondself upon thirdself. Then it is clear what is happening; that it only reflects what I my firstself am going through.
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