In this incantation, I describe how, with eyes closed, I experience my true, healthy state of stillness. With eyes open, I enter a fragmented illness shaped by work, eating, and movement. These anchors tether me to an illusory world. The path forward is not fighting the body but outgrowing it, recentering in an inner core of light, aligning with the sun, and recognizing the self as source, not shadow itself alone.
I reached a threshold today during my meditation that felt like an ancient memory returning to the surface. I spend my awakening believing that the world I see with my eyes open is the “real” world, and that the darkness behind my eyelids is merely a temporary pause, despite knowing it is the opposite. I know that when I close my eyes I am returning to and experiencing my true state and when I open them again, I am entering a state of illness.
The Weight of the Anchors
There is a profound stillness waiting for me in that internal space, yet I find myself constantly pulled back. I know that I am what I am when I close my eyes, yet I feel this overwhelming, desperate urge to reopen my eyes and return to this experience I call my awakening. The “anchors” that draw me back are those mundane and “necessary” parts of being a person within this narrative:
- The need to work and produce.
- The cycle of eating and sustaining my flesh.
- The desire to walk around and “experience life.”
These anchors keep me tethered to a version of reality that I know is ephemeral and illusory. Every time I open my eyes, I am choosing to step back into the fragmentation of this scripted physical self. I am choosing the “illness” of distraction over the health of pure being.
Re-centering at the Core
I can see the path forward now. It isn’t about fighting the body; it is about outgrowing it. I can envision a time, very soon, where I will remain in that internal space longer and more deeply. And as I re-center around my core, my physical body is starting to feel more distant, like a coat I am slowly unbuttoning. My core isn’t made of bone or blood. It doesn’t belong to the gravity of this imagined earth.
My core being is the sun, and to get there, I am changing how I sit. I will meditate with my back toward the physical sun, letting its warmth press against my spine, acting as a bridge. As that external heat meets my internal center, I will re-align and acknowledge who, what, and where I truly am.
I am not the person walking, working, or eating. Those are just shadows cast by the light. I am the source of that light. I am the stillness that exists when the anchors are cut. I am the sun.
The state when I open my eyes is my state of illness. The state when I close them is my truth.
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