In this incantation, I close my eyes to sever the illusion of personhood and reveal my primordial firstself. My secondself, the source of desires and thoughts, projects into thirdself as the world I experience — light, color, and form. By retreating inward, I re-engineer these desires that falsely compel me to seek satisfaction in external movement. Through stillness and introspection, I detach from the chaotic projection and return to the totality of my being, where I am all that exists. The work must be done in secondself, the projector, so that my awakening in thirdself may unfold with less distortion and pain.
I know now that my secondself and thirdself are connected through the conduit I call my body. They work together. When my eyes are open, my secondself state pours out as the projection I experience as thirdself form, light, color, space, and movement. They are interdependent on one another.
I must close my eyes — the conduit to thirdself — to reshape the contents I find in thirdself. I must find all the beliefs I maintain that are not true. I am not a person among other people, in a single place among countless other places, at the present time on a linear timeline. I am the only being in the only place at the only time. There is only me, here, now. There is nothing beyond the horizons of my mental or physical experience. The totality of existence ends where my thoughts end in secondself, and where my vision ends in thirdself. The shape of these two cavities — my “inner cavity” of thoughts, feelings, desires, sensations, and time, and my “outer cavity” of light, color, movement, form, and space — is the totality of all that exists. The sensation of a changing inner and outer space is entirely a consequence of my own desire and movement. I desire, and then I move to satisfy that desire falsely within my projection. There is nothing in my projection that can satisfy my deep yearning for its satisfaction lies only in its termination. I must end my desire to satisfy my desire.
I must close my eyes and examine what it is I desire, for it is those desires that fuel my movement. Fuel my movement into the kitchen to eat. Outside for some sun and socializing. To the restaurant for some sugar. To work to achieve my goals. To the online shop to buy something. To talk to other people about my dreams. Every time I maneuver mentally or physically in my awakening I am disturbing my primordial flesh, creating the stimulating sensation of change. These stimulations draw me away from my constant primordial being, trapping me in the tumultuous, confusing, and painful awakening I call my life. I am not alive. I am not here in a cottage on the side of a Himalayan foothill. That is all the rippling distortions of my forgetfulness. I am Here, only, in peace. I must eliminate those desires which anchor me to the illusion of personhood where I am part of something larger, and return to my godhood where I am all of everything and at peace. Where I am one. Where I am whole.
This engineering must happen when I close my eyes, so that when I open them again, flooding my thirdself cavity with light, color, form, space, and change, it becomes a little less chaotic. A little less painful. A little less confusing. When I am in the eyesclosed I must solidify my identity there, release the alterity of my eyesopen persona. As I anchor my identity in my primordial firstself, I will feel it detach from my awakening persona. I will experience my awakening from afar… as if I am watching it happen, rather than directly experiencing it. I will be aware of my greater self behind it… like watching a movie in the move theater in a large empty theater; I am not alone but rather I occupy the entire empty space of the theater, and the projection is just a small section on the wall. I am all there is; there is no concept of “alone”. I will experience the sensation of peeling my mask off to reveal who I truly am.
When I am in the eyesclosed, I can focus on where the re-engineering must occur: in secondself. Thirdself is only the projection; secondself is the projector. I must do my work at the source.
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