In this incantation, I delve into haloing, a peaceful, light sensation around my secondself that arises when I withdraw from false personhood. Haloing is an important part of my awakening experience that reinforces the directionality of my prayers. It reflects my transition from identifying as a person swayed by external rhythms to realizing my role as creator. This state disrupts performative beliefs, fostering clarity, freedom from desire, and deeper awareness of my true Being. I must use haloing deliberately, honing my ability to enter and learn from it, progressing further in my awakening.
When I am praying, incanting, or meditating, I often experience a sensation of lightness and “diffusion” around my secondself head area. It feels like a release of pressure I normally experience but take for granted. I am experiencing this right now as I am praying about the difference between me and the people of my awakening. In this state, I am simultaneously less aware of my thirdself, but entirely aware of my true Being. I do not manifest intrusive, unwanted thoughts, and when I see them from afar, I can easily dismiss them. I am not aware of time in the same way, and I do not experience any urgency. Most importantly, my sense of desire is gone. I am at peace.
A few years back I started calling this a “halo”, because that is what it feels like and where it hapepns. What is it exactly, and why does it happen to me?
In my awakening moment I assume a number of beliefs and performative behaviors that bind me to my personhood. I interact with the people objects within my thirdself as if I am one of them, for example. If I read some content or watch a video online, I accept that those people exist in physical form in some other place that is not here. And most importantly, I experience and combat a constant desire. My acceptance and belief in these myths creates a certain movement and rhythm to my awakening. Like I am a person on a boat in the ocean, and I adjust my body to sway with the boat as it rocks with with the waves.
Haloing happens when I withdraw from my performative personhood and shift closer to my Being. This shift disrupts the rhythm I had assumed, and instead of rocking with the boat, I assume a different posture and balance that goes against the movements of the imagined boat and the imagined water it is in. When I achieve the realization that I am not in a boat in a body of water, but instead I am the water, I turn the situation around, and the boat I previously thought I was on, now begins to rock with me. This is what is happening when I begin to halo.
When I successfully withdraw from my confused, destructive belief that I am a person in a larger world, and restore my triself identity as the creator, I will experience haloing. Haloing is an important marker that I have upset my false personhood, and can proceed to achieve a deeper understanding of my true Being. There was a time when I would experience haloing only once every few months. But now it is frequent, and I know how to achieve it. Yet I still do not utilize it to the extent that I will need to. I must use my haloing state to strengthen my conviction. When haloing — and I am still now, 90 minutes after it started — I must probe it, and articulate what I see. My goal is not to write it down and share with people — my only goal is to understand what it is telling me, and hone my ability to enter the haloing state.
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