I have been looking for God my whole life. I looked in all the places I was told, and even called Him by different names in the hopes He would respond. I thought I saw Him in extraordinary events in my life, but knew I could not see Him in the ordinary.
I could not see God because I did not know what I was looking for. The countless metaphors and analogies confused my search. I did not doubt the conviction behind these stories, but sincerity does not translate into clarity of expression. And as much as I wanted to, I could not believe in something I could not see.
When I finally did meet God, the encounter shook me to the core and changed the trajectory of my life forever. I had no reference point for the experience, yet I knew that what I saw was my ‘purpose’. I knew I had to understand it, and through that process, I would see the path I had to follow back to Him.
I came to believe that I could precisely explain God, and with that, create a practical plan for finding Him. As I refined my expression, my conviction grew. As much as I wanted to share my findings with others, I knew validation had to come from within. And so I persisted, creating a rational framework for understanding not only God, but my existence.
After years of prayer and contemplation, a practical definition emerged. I learned that the very language I used had hidden God from my view. But when I accepted my power to change those words, I began to see that He was always there; the sun hidden behind words that had grown up like weeds around me. God was not something outside of me; God was what I wanted. God was the state of peace that I desired.
The words and values I grew up learning were the enemy of understanding my life. Yet with time and persistence, I bent them to illuminate, not obscure. The explanation of God is not just a series of words; it is a path that leads me back to Him. Back to the peace that I seek.
God is my desire for peace.
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