Upon starting my descent, I made general use of the concept of “disengagement”. In all of my prayers and contemplations I acclaimed the need to “disengage” by withdrawing and detaching from second place forms and performances.
However, “disengagement” is the incorrect characterization of the descentist form of withdrawal. This concept rested on the notion that I would not engage or interact with things I did not or could not know. For example, I would not talk or think about things, events, or people that were not present or which I did not or could not know the substance of because it disempowered me.
I see now that this was an intermediary stage. I had taken stock of the of my second place situation, realized that I had been existing in this vast constellation of imagined concepts that had real impacts on my condition. And I realized my freedom to re-imagine all the concepts of my conceptual constellation. Upon examination, I realized that the outer reaches of my conceptual constellation greatly restricted and encumbered my second place existence, causing suffering.
Having established the goal of easing my pain so I could focus on my descent, and having realized my own freedom to create and influence my conceptual constellation, I deliberately chose to “disengage from” those concepts I imagined but could not substantiate. Or which, upon substantiating, diminished me in some way, causing pain.
For example, I disengaged from the imagined hierarchy of success, wealth, and social value, in which I was less than I aspired to be. I disengaged from thinking about people I did not or never would directly know. I disengaged from arcane intellectual subjects that I could never master enough to explain within the confines of my emergent philosophy of life. I disengaged from the need to opine on social, legal, and political matters.
I was quick to state that, by disengaging, I was neither committing that a thing did or did not exist. I was basically withdrawing with my hands up, and observing. I was learning how to re-center my focus on my essential, away from the stars of my conceptual constellation.
But now, I spend the majority of my time centered around my essential, the sky of my conceptual constellation is dim. Compared to 12-18 months ago when I was intent on “disengaging” from all the concepts I had once carried around with me, I no longer struggle with this. I both perceive and conceive from the essential outward, rather than from the inessential inward. I consistently think and imagine less. I am here now with less struggle and conflict. I do not have to fight a cacophony of intrusive thoughts that once battled for my attention all day.
I can see that the concept of “disengagement” was a transitional period in my descent, and the next characterization is “demanifestation”. Though I termed this word well over a year ago, it was a curiosity and never fully fit into the framework. I was not ready to understand it, but I could see it on the horizon. Now, I can see what it is: the next step after disengagement.
Where “disengagement” is careful to not commit, “demanifestation” commits. In disengagement, I neither accepted nor rejected a proposition. I neither proposed nor opposed the reality or substance of a form or performance. I was an observer, but aware that I was observing. I was an observer who realized he had been participating in something he did not want to be part of it. So I withdrew to observe without participating. I withdrew to understand what I had been doing.
Now, through the process of disengagement, I do understand. I understand that the source of everything I can conceive, and everything I can perceive, is the essential. The first place. The first shape I return to every time I asleepen. None of these second place forms or performances, imagined or real, exist without me first creating them. I am the author of this entire second shape, including all of the forms and performances within it.
I do not choose to disengage from forms that exist independent of me. I choose to demanifest forms, withdrawing their very existence with my demanifestation. I conceive and perceive all these forms into existence. My conception and perception are not acts of reflection and observation; they are acts of creation.
Demanifestation recognizes My omnificence.