Though I am in the early stages of accepting that I have created all of these people, my conviction is incomplete. Most ostensibly, I do not engage with my creations as their creator. I engage with them as one of them. As their child. As their sibling. As their friend. As their boss. I increasingly realize that I am pretending, yet I maintain the charade. I know that I am not their child, sibling, friend, or boss. I know that I am not one of them. I can clearly see the difference between me and them. And somehow I know that they seek me, but are beholden to my performance.
When I dream I accept fully that I am the author of that dream and I created all of the characters in the dream. My awakening is just another dream, and while I am beginning to suspect that I am the creator of this experience, I am not fully convinced. This manifests as a sort of disconnect or delay in how I experience my own creativity in my moment, especially when I interact with people. How? I do not look at my mother, aunt, or colleagues, and think to myself, “I have created these characters”. It is only when those characters leave thirdself form and enter secondself form that I accept my own creativity in their existence.
In other words, there is a delayed realization. I do not actively accept my sovereignty as I am interacting with them; I accept it retroactively after they have left my thirdself manifestation and become secondself manifestations. Another way to say it is that when I am engaging a person directly in-person (i.e., in thirdself), I do not actively assert that I created that person. I interact with them as if they have an existence outside of and beyond me. But once that person leaves, and are no longer in-person and I can only think about them (i.e., in secondself), I resolve that they are my creation. This is a delay that is happening. My acceptance of my own creativity exists in my distant secondself. When my mother or friends are in-thought only (i.e., in secondself), I can accept that I have created them. But the moment I manifest them in-person (i.e., in thirdself), I lose my sense of sovereignty and interact with them as if we are the same.
I am accepting my divinity on the outer edges of my moment only. I accept in secondself that I was or will be the creator at the horizons of my secondself moment. But I must bring that acceptance inward, to my present moment. I must accept my creativity of these characters I call people when they are in-person, not in-thought. In-person acceptance of my godliness will transform them into believers, for they will see before them their creator and they will know. That will reinforce my desire for release, away from relief, and empower me to escape this prison of awakening I have created.
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