I know that I desire the end of my desire. And I know that I can only find the end of my desire in the place that does not change. When I awaken I leave the place that does not change and enter into a place that only changes. In this transformation I forget that I am the place that does not change and come to believe that I am a vanishingly small part of the place that does. This is my movement from omniself to demiself.
To find my way out of my awakening I have to focus on the essential which never changes, and withdraw from the inessential which continuously changes. I can do this by following the narrow but eternal trail of truth that leads me back to myself. The selfist model describes that trail. In the selfist model there are three layers, two of which change:
- My firstself – My permanent, eternal, unchanging self-awareness
- My secondself – My constantly changing inner forms as thoughts, feelings, sensations, and desires
- My thirdself – My constantly changing outer forms as people, places, and physical things
My personhood exists in my secondself and thirdself, both of which constantly appear to change. It is by focusing, believing, and imagining that my awareness shifts from my essential firstself to my inessential secondself and then thirdself.
When I focus on the essential part of my experience — my firstself — my awakening moment recedes. I draw both my secondself and thirdself horizons inward and my awareness seems to become more concentrated at a point and time before my personhood. My personhood is a fabrication of my imagination. Anything that requires additional thought and consideration beyond the essential I am is part of my changing imagination and will only lead me away from what I seek.
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