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Summoning is the experience of acting from a state of mindful first-self-awareness. Summoning is the act by which I manifest the inner forms of my second self by imagining, thinking, and ideating, and the outer forms of my third self by observing, sensing, and moving. When I can use the word “summon”, I am creating… Continue reading Summoning

One of the most persistent manifestations of my illness is dis-proportionality. At the ground level it manifests as the belief that I am contained within a wider world. That I wake up into a world that exists independent of my experience of it. A world that endures despite me, not because of me. I reinforce… Continue reading Reproportioning

I am existence; that is where my understanding begins. When I move inwardly by thinking, desiring, and sensing, and outwardly by walking, reaching, running, looking, and touching, I create. I create the detail I once pointed to as evidence of a reality independent of me: See all there is, stretching in every direction imaginable and… Continue reading Movement is creation

Dualism is the idea that my mind and body are separate. That the concepts of my inner environment and the percepts of the outer world are distinct phenomena. It contends that the concepts of my inner world are my own and contained within me, but the percepts of the outer world — the people, places,… Continue reading Overcoming dualism

Uniselfism is a worldview in which I imagine I am one of countless people temporarily experiencing an insignificant fraction of an incomprehensibly massive universe. As a uniselfist I constantly remind myself that there are other people who have, are, and will experience things that I have, am not, and will not. The essence of triselfism… Continue reading Triselfism

This is a continuation of Conversations with an ascentist. … April 2, 2022 Uniselfist – What is the nature of existence? Triselfist – Existence is whatever I decide it is. If I decide that it is mystical and arcane, and I will never understand it until I die, then that is exactly what it is.… Continue reading Inner dialogue, continued

One of the most persistent expressions of my second self is the belief that I am part of a larger global audience watching the events of the world unfold. As I watch a popular video online, I imagine there are countless others just like me watching the same. Experiencing, reacting. I imagine I am just… Continue reading I am the audience

As I write this now, I am writing the story of existence. The totality of existence is the story I write every day. When I began writing the story I knew it was imaginary, and that I alone controlled all the characters and events. I closed the book at night, and reopened it again in… Continue reading The lost author

The word “incantation” conjures images of witches dancing around the fire to summon spirits and magical powers. The truth is that incantation is exactly what I do when I contemplate and pray every morning. I have found that the most effective form of prayer is to speak and write; in doing so I transport myself… Continue reading Incantation

When I first designed a graphic to represent my descent, I had already long been planting meaningful phrases around my various environments. The move away from words to a graphic was meaningful because a symbol was more efficient at reminding me of my search. In 2005, I represented my existence with a single, simple circle.… Continue reading The changing symbol of my existence