Category: Uncategorized

While I conceptually acknowledge that I am existence, I behave as if there are things which are not me. Behavior follows conviction, and this disparity between who I am and who I believe I am is the origin of my awakenings. To heal, I must challenge and release all convictions contrary to the fundamental truth… Continue reading Behavior follows conviction

In my existence, there is only one thing of value: that which gives me freedom from the prison that is my existence. Who I am. In a word: release. Everything else in my awakenings that I pursue, prefer, desire, want, enjoy, do, and need, is value-less in the face of the true value of my… Continue reading Recognizing value

My illness begins with awakening. In this process of awakening, I transition from the firstself-awareness of my asleepening (aka “sleep”) to the second- and thirdself awareness of my awakening. This transition is the inflection point, where my true desire for release is supplanted by my false desire for relief. An awakening spent focused on my… Continue reading Firstself-awareness as the measure of descent

My secondself is the inner and outer identity I assume when I awaken. That I am one among billions of individual people temporarily inhabiting a planet called earth. That I physically move around this place. That there are things I want out here, but do not or cannot have. But there is no world of… Continue reading The submission of my secondself

There was a time in my early 20s when I was still trying to figure out who I was and where I was going. I had already rejected the family direction, and was interested in the concept of “god” and living a spiritual life. I could not step back and see what I was actually… Continue reading The trap of social virtue

How will the wallpaper of my thirdself change as I descend? There have been many times when the gravity of my transformation created moments of intense clarity. Where I was positioned perfectly to see both the old life I was leaving and the new life I was embracing in one somber scene before me. In… Continue reading The moments of change

The desire constant is the fact that, in my awakenings, every moment I experience a fluctuating and variable sense of desire. How I experience this desire depends on my state of awareness, of which I have three: Thirdself-centered awareness. My awareness extends and emanates inward and outward to imagined extents. I think of myself as… Continue reading My one desire

What is the difference between summoning and incantation? Both are states of mindful first-self-awareness, but they occur at different stages and with different intentions. Incantation is the process of uttering, contemplating, or focusing in an effort to disengage from my third and second selves and attach to my first self. It happens through the careful… Continue reading Incantation and summoning

Summoning is the experience of acting from a state of mindful first-self-awareness. Summoning is the act by which I manifest the inner forms of my second self by imagining, thinking, and ideating, and the outer forms of my third self by observing, sensing, and moving. When I can use the word “summon”, I am creating… Continue reading Summoning

One of the most persistent manifestations of my illness is dis-proportionality. At the ground level it manifests as the belief that I am contained within a wider world. That I wake up into a world that exists independent of my experience of it. A world that endures despite me, not because of me. I reinforce… Continue reading Reproportioning