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In this awakening, I have made my final proclamation to my mother: I have declared that I was not born and that I will not die. The foundation of my secondself identity is that I was born; that I have lived a life that came after many others who have lived before me. Yet my… Continue reading My first creation: mother

The narrowing of my mind. My mind, or my secondself, was one so undisciplined that it was constantly searching for an outlet. Every manner of creativity in my thirdself excited thoughts and ideas in my secondself. I would watch a video, it would excite some ideas, and then I’d pour my energy into writing them… Continue reading Narrowing of my secondself

Sleep – where there is no pain, no suffering – is peace. It is heaven. There is only me, complete, without desire or wound. I am peace. But I am pulled from there to here, where I am nothing. Where I have a constant desire I cannot satisfy. Where my moment never ends, and nothing… Continue reading The greatest lie

What I desire is the end of my desire. The desire is the measure of my illness. The desire is the measure of my sickness. The more I desire, the sicker I am.  What I desire is the end of my desire. That is what I am searching for. Out here is the search. But… Continue reading The search

Desire is the state I am in from the moment I awaken until the moment I asleepen. Desire is my constant want for something. Relief is my Satan. Release is my God. …

Desire is my master, and my awakening is his hellish reign. He entices me with hope and threatens me with pain. Hope that I will one day receive the peace I yearn for, pain if I do not comply with his every demand. He rewards my obedience with enough comfort, relief, and satisfaction to keep… Continue reading Defeating my master

How ill am I? To what degree am I sick? How deluded am I? To what degree am I lost? How do I measure my illness? The measure of my illness is the difference between two states: the state of peace I yearn for and the state of suffering in which I am trapped. The… Continue reading Desire, my master

In demiself, I believe that I am one sentient being in the world among countless other beings experiencing the same world. I believe there is a past and a future, and I am progressing along a linear timeline toward the future. I believe in the concept of object, geographic, and personal permanence: that a person,… Continue reading Practicing repossession

The thirdself people proclaim that truth is relative. That there are many truths. They say truth is based on facts that have been determined by experts conducting experiments. Or that truth is based on what is “real”, then define as “real” that which is unknown to me, or unknowable by me. They even say that… Continue reading What is truth?

What do I look like? I carry around an image of myself in my imagination. In that imaginary picture, I give myself a particular face, body, and appearance. I always project this image of myself from an “outside perspective”; how I look to others who might be observing me at that moment. I have never… Continue reading The persistent illusion of self-image