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The essence of my awakening condition is a matter of my self-awareness. From the moment I awaken to the moment I asleepen, my secondself is assessing my self-awareness: who, what, where, and why am I? All of my “internal” thoughts, ideas, feelings, preferences, and desires are a response to this endless self-assessment: am I, or… Continue reading The potency of I am

The most potent truth that I can speak is I am. I exist. I am is the last expression I can utter before I actually am. I am contains every single thing I must know and do to achieve liberation. For the sake of clarity, I will hereby compress the statement “I am” to the… Continue reading I am

I was just thinking about my upcoming visa application for India where I am asked to define my religion or faith. Having lived here for nearly twenty years, I have likely answered this in many different ways. How would I answer it now? When I answer this question on my visa application in two months,… Continue reading Why selfism

“The truth will set you free” is a statement from John 8:32 and which Jesus Christ addressed to a group of Jews who believed in him. There are six important declarations within this one statement: There is non-truth. There is a truth. There is captivity. There is freedom. The non-truth leads to captivity. The truth… Continue reading The truth will set me free

What is real? There’s a trick that my secondself has long played where I hide behind “reality”, the ultimate arbiter of what is. Where what is “real” is true and right. If something is “real” then it exists; if it is not real, then it does not exist. But just because something, someone, or some… Continue reading Repossessing truth: reality vs potency

There are moments when I can see right through the veneer of my imagined reality of being a person living in a world full of other people. It all becomes transparent for a moment, and I see it for what it really is: meaningless shapes, forms, and characters  I am projecting onto the walls of… Continue reading Life is prison

How are the following related? My desire to sleep when I am tired. My desire to end my life. My desire to self-abolish. They are all expressions of the same thing: my yearning to end my yearning. I know that my awakenings are an illness. I know that my secondself and thirdself are manifestations of… Continue reading Sleep, suicide, and self-abolition

In my search, I am constantly refining my model of my existence; the way I explain who, what, and where I am. Beliefs I once held have become fixed and familiar, but with effort and conviction work, they lose their rigidity and begin to crumble. A simpler model emerges based on experience, rather than imagination.… Continue reading My anatomy, revised

I am at peace. I have no desire. There is only me, right here, right now. There is no other place, and there is no other time. My peace is shattered and I open a door. As I enter the door I leave the place where I am infinite and at peace, and squeeze my… Continue reading The room

One of the most confusing and disorienting aspects of demiself is the fragmentation of my desire. Upon awakening and manifesting my secondself and thirdself, I immediately commence my unending quest for relief. It takes many forms, starting with the simple physical desire to wake up and move out of my bed. Then I desire to… Continue reading The fragmentation of desire