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It starts with the sense that something is deeply wrong with this experience I call life. At first, it is a fleeting thought. Sometimes a moment of clarity is quickly hidden by the clouds of distraction and responsibility. I decide that this sensation is worth understanding, and I am determined to create space in the… Continue reading Iamism and the selfist model

It would be difficult to count the number of iterations of my ideology because it evolves every time I write. I continuously introduce new concepts, refine old ones, and throw out and replace those that no longer fit. My objective is to simplify it to the point it needn’t be expressed at all; to render… Continue reading The current state

Sunday is my day of prayer. It is the day I remember that I seek the way out, above all else. It is the day I come back to my return. I have spent the last week of awakenings foraying deeply into my secondself and thirdself, creating pathways to places and futures. It is during… Continue reading My seventh awakening: waking shallow

The way out of here is the same way I come in. There are two places. There is the place I awaken from, and the place I awaken into. I am always in the place I awaken from, but I forget that when I awaken into this place. I awaken here and endlessly move forward,… Continue reading The way out

M – Do you know something or everything? V – I know something. But there are more things I do not know.  M – So you do not know everything? V – Yes, I do not know everything.  M – Is the situation of you not knowing everything a fact? V – Yes I would… Continue reading Knowing by experience and believing by imagination, a dialogue

I can either be the iamist, or an iamnotist. As the Iamist, I can say “I am”, knowing that this one single expression captures the entirety of my existence. That my existence is the entirety of all existences. That the totality of existence and my existence are the same thing. That there is nothing beyond… Continue reading What it means to be the Iamist

Reorientation toward peace is accomplished largely through conviction. Conviction exercises are activities I perform to reinforce my conviction: Visual Containment – A method of narrowing my visual focus by darkening my immediate physical environment and minimizing the number of objects and visual elements in my field of vision. Visual containment helps me to focus on… Continue reading Conviction exercises

One of the most important realizations was that I would not experience the truth of my divinity as a continuous jolt of pleasure. Enlightenment would not be an unending electrical experience. My initial rediscovery certainly felt that way, but I realized that it would all give way at some point to something less exciting, more… Continue reading My thirdself as a distortion of my firstself

I awaken into triself: three interwoven layers of experience that together form my entire awakening. In triself, I believe that I am a demipotent being called a “person”. Triself is a painful state of being because I am literally divided into three parts: My thirdself is the smallest and most volatile part of my triself,… Continue reading Triself discipline

What would it mean to abolish my thirdself? This is what is next for me. I can see it on this eve of a new year. I have seen it for many years. I can see it as far back as I remember, in all directions. It will start with secondself isolation: entire awakenings spent… Continue reading Contemplating the killing of my thirdself